Friends, I have to admit I took the lazy route on this one. I am tired. I am exhausted in every inch of my body. I realize many have more on their plate than I do, but I’m just plain worn out. So, I went easy on me and, maybe, on you. I would also ask, if you’re so inclined, for prayers for Nigel. I have begun to give up hope he will ever walk again. It’s so hard to be all the things all the time. Luckily, my two sons stepped in to get Christmas stuff down and up, but, honestly, I really don’t have much Christmas joy in me right now.
10 on the 10th…
I promise I will work on my attitude because it is the season of hope. Just remember, what you see on social media sometimes covers up so much you don’t see. Again, I know my problems are so minor compared to others. Remember, there will also be a link up!
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Hi, Marsha – And I thought I was tired; I’m so sorry that things are so hard for you. I will send prayers for Nigel to get the will, the strength and the perfect healing that he needs so that he can indeed walk again. You’re lucky, though, to have your sons with you. I’m really missing my son at Christmas this year, yet again. He’s been coming across the U.S. to visit in January the last few years for various reasons. I’m also getting in the mood for Christmas very slowly and just a little bit. Sending my best wishes to you and your family – Angie, http://www.yourtrueselfblog.com
Angie, you are so sweet. It’s just been a tough year. Last year, at this time, he was walking (just barely, but still). I’m hoping for a really good report from the surgeon on Monday which might bolster his confidence. But, the muscles still need to be strengthened. His PT is wonderful so I’m very grateful for that. I sound like such a whiner, but we really thought both hips would be done by this time, and he’d be walking like normal. I am very lucky my kids live close…though it’s more that we moved to be close to them. Thank you again, Angie, for your thoughtful words. We will get through this season together!
Marsha — you’ve had so much on you. You have plenty of reason to be down this season. You don’t need to justify your heartache because you think you don’t deserve to be heartbroken. You’re mourning how you thought life would be at this point and you’re scared for Nigel and you and your family. It’s totally okay to admit that. I’ll be praying for you and Nigel. You don’t have to be full of Christmas spirit, so to speak. I’ll pray God fills those empty spots in your soul right now.
Thank you, my friend. I appreciate the prayers. You are exactly right about the mourning and the fright. I do talk to God every night…it seems all I ever do is ask Him for things. I try to thank Him first.
Oh Marsha, I had no idea! I thought everything was going up for Nigel. And I’m so very sorry that you feel the way you do. I hope we can all lift you up just a little bit and that you feel happier real soon. And I’m keeping my fingers crossed for Nigel!
Thank you, Nancy. Mike is improving, but it’s been almost five months since his surgery. Our neighbor broke her hip and was walking without a walker in two months. I do think Mike’s case was really severe, but I’m beginning to worry that we picked the wrong surgeon even though he had stellar reviews. Thank you for the crossed fingers.
I’m so sorry to hear about Nigel and will add him to my prayers. There’s still hope he could walk again. Thinking of you. I’ll try to join 10 on the 10th.
Thank you so much, Gail. I do think a lot of the problem is his left hip also needs replacement. It’s, technically, his “good” leg even though it’s bad, too. Luckily, it hadn’t collapsed as his right hip had done. I just worry about his mental health as he goes through this.
I’m so sorry things are so tough for you.
I really get being tired, life has thrown me a few curve balls this year, too, and sometimes it feels as if you just can’t get out of that hole anymore.
Hopefully things will become better soon, fingers and paws crossed here!
Thank you so much, Cat! You have no idea how much your words touch me. We have actually had a tough five or six years, but this has definitely been the worst. Thanks for crossing your fingers and paws!
So sorry to hear things are going so tough for you.. sending all my best wishes for Nigel..things will be better soon..stay positive dear
Allurerage
Thank you, Aarti! I’m trying to be optimistic, and I appreciate your best wishes!
Awww, man, I am so sorry. And, it seems even harder to be in a tough place with all the holiday merriment sometimes. I always say the caregiver is forgotten. Is it a situation where you can get someone in one day a week to take as yours to leave the house? I am sure he would not resent that.
Thanks, Amy. The holidays are always stressful for me because I set myself up by over-decorating (told you I’m not a minimalist). I never thought of myself as a caregiver until I read your words. Yeah…never thought I’d ever think I’d be that. My kids were so good and stayed with him non-stop when I went to Ireland and Scotland this summer. He has been so good about everything. I just worry for him, and that has worn me down. I do have my monthly facials when I can just relax and other outings, but I rarely take a day for just myself. That’s another big problem with our small house…there’s really no escaping! At our last two houses, we had a basement where I sewed and did crafts. I miss being able to just leave my messes out and about until I was done with them!
Why don’t you take your laptop to a coffee shop for a couple of hours? I know your kids would help you but Nigel is probably ok for a short amount of time. It’s always amazing to me that in even a short time I get a new perspective on my surroundings when I return. Can you set up a folding table somewhere to make as a craft table? Sorry if I am annoying but I really like helping people through barriers/blockades to happiness.
I think we as women take on so much of the worry and the emotional strain to be honest. I have some hard things now that I can’t talk about on the blog and I went into Thanksgiving break so nervous about how both family gatherings would go. I broke down on Saturday and cried for 3 hours off and on. I really think it was the worry on my shoulders. I think that cry was cathartic. I have felt better since.
This is a scary time for you and it’s ok to name that and feel those feelings and yes, you absolutely are the caregiver. I know it’s hard because you are such a vibrant lady who has lots of energy and goals yet to accomplish.
Thank you, Amy! I may try going to a coffee shop (though I don’t like coffee), but the one close to us has some amazing teas! I did have a folding table set up as my crafting spot, and the mess of it drove me crazy. I like the way that bedroom looks now because it was so cluttered, and I don’t do clutter!
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with stuff, too. We absolutely do shoulder all the worry and strain of everything. Mike hasn’t ever bought Christmas presents (except for me…and I pick them out to give him choices). Men just aren’t wired that way, I guess. Thank you for worrying about me. I will beat this, and life will go on!
Marsha, it is ok to be overwhelmed, to feel less than joyous. There is a lot going on in your life, very emotional things. So don’t feel you have to put on a brave and happy face for the world. Take the time you need to process and feel your feelings. I am not sure what your day to day is looking like but make sure you are finding time to do at least something that makes you happy, even if it is small, like a special warm drink. Sometimes that is all we can manage and that is ok. I will keep you and Nigel in my prayers.
Thank you, Erin. I think my blog is my happy place at times. As you may have noticed, I usually don’t blog until late at night. Mike sleeps in a different room because that bed has an adjustable base, and he hates the Tempurpedic in our room. So, I have a couple of hours to myself then. Sometimes, though, that’s the time when I just start to feel so sorry for myself. I have a wonderful life, but it’s just so different from what I had envisioned for our retirement. Thank you again, Erin, for your words. I know you probably have the same kinds of days at times.
Sending hugs and saying prayers that things will improve for your family
Pamela
http://www.style-yourself-confident.com
Thank you so much, Pamela! They are much appreciated.
Hi Marsha! I am so sorry to hear about Nigel — and I will add you both to my prayers. It’s always hard to deal with the difficult stuff, but I think it is especially hard to face stuff during the holidays. But you know what, it is okay to feel whatever feelings you have. Don’t beat yourself up or think you need to change your attitude. Cry, yell, scream, pout or punch a pillow. But most of all, be kind to yourself!!! I’ve said it before, but I am so glad to have found your blog. It’s always interesting and you make me smile. Hugs.
Thank you, Beth, for your kind words and prayers. I love your suggestions and have spent many times in the shower crying. I don’t want Nigel to know just how worried I am. He kinda depends on me to be upbeat about it and encourage him. The holidays do have their own stress as I always try really hard to find the perfect gifts for my people. I cannot tell you how much your words mean to me to know you like my blog.
Marsha, I am sorry to hear about Nigel. It is hard to deal with I know. I’ll pray for you both. What joy to have your sons there to help. Our local kids are just to busy with work and kids, we don’t want to add to that. We event decorated yet either. Bust or too tired after being busy. We” get it done though. Hope you can have an enjoyable, peaceful weekend.
Thank you, Linda. I appreciate the prayers. I’ve been talking to the Lord a lot, but additional prayers are always welcome. My boys make it a point to swing by every once in a while, but they actually did this on Thanksgiving. I wasn’t quite ready, but you take help when you can get it, right? I’m guessing you have a “supervisor” like I do. Actually, it’s just easier if I do it myself as I’m so picky! Thank you, again, for your kind words.
I’m so sorry things are so difficult and exhausting right now. I will add Nigel to my prayers as well. Sometimes joy is hard to come by, but peace is always there for us. Praying you feel the peace of Christ that transcends our human understanding as you navigate this tough situation. Thank you for posting the 10 on the 10th too. I think doing the ordinary in the middle of hard is a way of moving forward when we want to pull the covers over our head. Take good care and know many are thinking of you. Sure there are folks with perhaps bigger problems, but our things are our things and we must live our lives with our circumstances. Hard is hard. Please don’t feel bad about being honest, and do keep asking for prayer when you need that too. Take care.
Thank you so much, Joyce! I truly appreciate your kind words and prayers. I am trying to be positive, but sometimes, you just have to be honest.