One of the best things I’ve discovered about blogging is meeting new people all around the world. It’s true I’ve only met one blogger in real life (looking at you, Kellyann), but, after a time, you begin to know them. One of my friends is Sue who blogs over at Women Living Well After 50 and lives in Australia. Unfortunately, it’s doubtful we’ll ever meet in real life, but I really do consider her a friend. Sue is an amazing writer and really makes me think. A few days ago, she wrote a Substack post about “reverse bucket lists.” You will have to click through the link in her post to get to her Substack post.
Reverse bucket lists…
In essence, a reverse bucket is looking back at your life to celebrate all the things you’ve accomplished, gotten right, and maybe even gotten wrong. That set me to thinking. I am currently in a group of bloggers with the idea of writing bucket lists and setting goals. You can read my latest bucket/goal list here. But, until Sue wrote about them, I’d never heard of a reverse bucket list. In fact, I thought Sue had made up the term herself (she is that smart). Reverse bucket lists, however, have been around for a long time.
But…
I was born in the 50s, raised in the 60s, but consider myself a child of the 70s. As a result of all those decades, I’m also of the generation of women who downplay their accomplishments. We were taught it was boastful to talk about the things we’d done. When I got good scores on tests and such in school, I never spoke about it. Part of that was everyone knew I was smart and expected it. Even now, just writing that makes me a little queasy. Women weren’t encouraged to praise themselves for looking good, excelling at business, or even being a good cook. In short, we were just expected to do the best we could and know that was always the expectation. In fact, women who went into non-traditional careers were often looked at as not quite feminine enough. Now, please realize I’m speaking in generalities here. For many women who went the traditional route (that would be me), there would be one who went the non-traditional one (that would be Jodie).
A little more…
Fortunately for me, I wanted to be a teacher. It was my dream and my passion. I had absolutely no desire to be anything else. For other women, though, their dream was something else. Many of the women with whom I went to high school did, in fact, do something else, and I’m proud of them! They knew what they wanted and grabbed it much as I did. I guess the point I’m trying to make is women of my generation and just a bit beyond (certainly behind) didn’t aspire to occupations that didn’t fit the mold into which society put them. That didn’t mean they didn’t want to. It meant they didn’t feel they could or even should.
What changed…
Honestly, I don’t know what changed. I would guess some of it had to do with the sexual revolution of the 60s and 70s, the advent of the birth control pill, and just a greater knowledge of the world beyond our windows. Women began to expect more from life than just being a teacher, nurse, librarian, or mother. They began to think they could be CEOs, surgeons, and even politicians. And, so they did. Please know I think teachers, nurses, librarians, and mothers are also called to those professions.
But…
I wonder, if the women who went the non-traditional route to careers felt the same way as I did. Did they struggle with telling others how they’d brokered some big deal? Did they brag (yes, let’s use that word) about the complicated surgery they completed with success? Did they run a successful campaign and go on to become nationally known politicians in whatever party they represented? Again, I honestly don’t know because I’m too lazy to google it, and I didn’t think to ask my female friends who have been successful in those non-traditional roles before writing this post. My guess? I think they had to learn how to brag about their careers, accomplishments, etc.
Reverse bucket list…
With that very awkward explanation behind us, let’s get to the meat of this post. This is my reverse bucket list, in somewhat chronological order.
- When my dad died, I literally took over the house because my mom had checked out of life for a bit. I was 16 and running a household with two younger siblings, going to school, and working a part-time job. I did the grocery shopping, fixed the meals, and did the laundry.
- I graduated as the sole Salutatorian of my class. We had several Valedictorians, and I would have been one if I hadn’t taken that daggone choir class my freshman year! I got a B+ one semester and As in every other subject, including advanced math and English classes and German. The school had changed the rules for the class after mine to include summer school which would have cancelled out my choir grade. Still, I was #2 which meant I tried harder (bonus points if you get the reference).
- I worked my way up from being a billing clerk to a supervisor at a large insurance company.
- I gave birth (completely naturally, mind you) to three beautiful babies!
- I graduated from Indiana University with a 3.94 GPA (grade point average) out of a possible 4.0. It took me a little over four years to complete my degree. My kids were 4, 2, and 1 when I started. I arranged my schedule around them. You can read more about that here.
- I have three wonderful and accomplished grandchildren and one in Heaven.
- I completed my Master’s Degree in Special Education in about two years and taught special education for ten years or so.
- I ran Case Conference meetings each year for several students. Case Conferences are required by law for students with Individualized Educational Plans (IEPs). I made sure my parents were comfortable but knew exactly what my students had and hadn’t achieved.
- I was nominated for Teacher of the Year for our school district.
- I was the chairman for many years of our school’s PL 221 plan. This was a required professional development plan for each public school in the state of Indiana and had many components. I was responsible not only for its completion but also for its content.
- I taught hundreds of students who are now responsible members of society. Some of them I consider friends as they are now adults.
- I have been married for almost 49 years.
- I have written and presented several mini retreats at my church.
- I write a monthly article for my church’s newsletter and serve on the Women’s Ministries Board.
- I began a blog, knowing next to nothing about how to even write on WordPress (I don’t know that much more now, though).
The outfit…
I adore the Rhiannon kimono/dress. I bought my first one a few years ago. Kantha Bae works with people in India to create these gorgeous items from old saris. The Rhiannon has always been a popular piece. When I belonged to one of those B/S/T groups, it was one of the first things to sell when someone had one. Kantha Bae came out with a different version that was a little more frou frou. And, then, oh, miracle of miracles, they came out with the original! I snapped this one up as soon as I could. These are all unique pieces so I can’t link to mine, but here is one (I just picked one…nothing special about this one). I realized a while ago these are the pieces I turn to when I’m feeling the need to armor up to face the world. I think it’s the swooshiness! There’s only one problem…no pockets! I added a pair of J Jill pima leggings in fig for modesty because, as you can see in some of the photos, it’s split all the way up to the bodice! I probably could add some snaps if I wanted so that I could wear it as a dress without leggings underneath.
The Lewk!
These are the booties that started it all! These are the Georgiana Boots from L’Artiste. I have no idea when or where I first saw them, but I’ve worn them now for years. You can see one of them has a nick in the toe. I keep meaning to fix that, but I’m afraid I’ll just make it worse. I thought wooden accessories would go with the whole boho vibe of my outfit. The bracelets and necklace are from Stella & Dot. The two metal ones are from the Rebel line. I don’t know if they carry that anymore or not. The earrings are soooo old and came from Target!
Wrap it up, Marsha!
I think I was all over the place with this post. I don’t want you to go away thinking, “Well, in order to be successful as a woman today, you have to have a corporate type job!” That’s not what I mean at all. I just mean, for many women of my generation, we didn’t even think about those kinds of jobs. Would I have wanted one? Nope! I loved being a teacher and wouldn’t want to ever work in a corporate atmosphere. My main point was, if you couldn’t figure it out, we need to be proud of ourselves and brag (yes, let’s reclaim that word) about what we’ve accomplished in whatever way we want. It’s perfectly OK to talk about how pretty we are, too! And, for the record, bucket lists and goals are good things, too! So, can we talk? Have you ever written a reverse bucket list (or even heard of them)? Why do you think we are so hesitant to accept praise from anyone, least of all, ourselves? What was the last compliment you gave yourself? Please leave me a comment or two, and we can talk. I promise to respond as quickly as I can.
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I had never heard of a reverse bucket list before and I don’t know I’ll ever be at the point to make one. I have the hardest time taking a compliment although I’m great at handing them out!
https://catswire.blogspot.com/
Cat!!!! You should definitely give it a try. I think you will surprise yourself. Just write it and send it to me, if you’d like! I have worked hard over the last almost four years (since I started the blog) to take a compliment. It’s another way we’ve been conditioned. I love to give out sincere compliments.
Thanks, Cat!!!
Thank you Marsha, lots of things to think about from this post. Last year I brought together a group of people for a reunion. We’d mainly last seen each other 30+ years ago. Lots of memories, but I have found it interesting how those memories were so different for all involved.
Thank you, Rosie! How interesting that memories would be so different. I guess we all bring our own perspectives to things and events. But, I do hope there was lots of laughter as well.
A reverse bucket list is an interesting idea and yes at our age we have achieved rather a lot in our lifetime.I have never been one to go into too much planning ahead , experience has taught me it sets you up for disappointment.
Your career and life achievements are impressive and yes you have every right to be proud of yourself.
Thank you, Jill! I am not one to plan ahead, either, and for the exact same reason. It’s good to know I’m in such good company!
Wow, give yourself a hug and a huge pat on the back, Marsha! You’ve achieved so much and are a very impressive woman. As for your outfit, it’s lovely but it’s the boots that get me every time – they are gorgeous!
Thank you so much, Penny! I think the same of you, my friend! I do love my boots, and these little beauties started it all!
Marsha, everything about this post is magnificent! I love the outfit and how these colors just suit you so well – your hair looks incredible!
I really enjoyed reading your reverse bucket list – you are one smart cookie and you have blessed the lives of many all while pursuing your dream of being an educator.
I didn’t know about your grandchild in Heaven and that tugs on my heartstrings for your family.
So glad you shared these things, I think it is important to realize what we have accomplished!
xo,
Kellyann
Thank you, Kellyann! Unfortunately, the color is all gone in my hair. I actually had to be talked into that, and now, when I look at the photos, I just love it. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your kind words. I loved being a teacher and hope I did leave a good impression (as well as an education) on my students. We lost him in 2016, and I still think of him. I picture him as a little curly headed blonde. Why, I have no idea. I prayed night and day for my son and daughter-in-law, and they made it after lots of help.
I know you can probably believe how tough it was to write this and to actually publish it. But, ultimately, I’m glad I did. I hope to see many more reverse bucket lists!
This is a lovely and thought-provoking blog post, Marsha! The concept of a reverse bucket list is insightful, especially when paired with your reflections on how societal expectations shaped the way your generation of women viewed and expressed their accomplishments. It’s wonderful to see you celebrating your rich and varied life experiences, from managing a household at a young age to your academic achievements, career success, motherhood, and your current endeavors in writing and community involvement. Thanks for sharing your personal journey and introducing this interesting idea!
Thank you, Benita! I’m glad you could see what I was trying to say. The two (reverse bucket list and societal expectations) just seemed to go together. I truly appreciate all your kind words. Believe me…it was tough to write this post and even tougher to actually publish it!
I like this Reverse Bucket concept a lot! Will work on mine!
I’m of the same generation as you. I’d say where I went to school grades 7- 12 helped shape me into the non-trad person that I am. Since I went to a private all-girls prep school, I was completely encouraged to “follow my bliss” which for me, was art. My fellow classmates (and most anyone who comes out of Emma Willard) have some astounding achievements. And between that and round 2 of college studying fashion (and defending my designs in critiques), being bold became the default.
Thanks for this post! Much food for thought!
Thanks, Anne! How fortunate you were to land in a place where creativity was actively encouraged. I wonder how many people, and especially women, have stifled theirs over the years. I hope you write yours, and even if you don’t do it as a post, I’d love to read it! I’m sure it will be fascinating.
I’ve never heard of a reverse bucket list, but love the idea! As women, we don’t celebrate ourselves enough, and it’s a great way to take a look at all that we’ve accomplished. You have so many amazing achievements!
Jill – Doused in Pink
Thanks, Jill! We really don’t celebrate ourselves much, if at all. Somehow or other, over the ages, we’ve taken on this facade of not needing compliments and congratulations. I think that needs to stop. The reverse bucket list is a great starting point! I’m sure yours is very long!
You have a lot to be very proud of Marsha! But isn’t it good to really write it down? That way you see much better how much you accomplished!
Thank you, Nancy! It did feel good, but, even as I was writing how we should be praising ourselves, I felt a little weird actually publishing this!
That’s a beautiful outfit! And I wouldn’t dare to wear something so colourful and patterned, so there’s that. I’m a child of the 80s but I wanted to be a librarian – my feminist headmistress was quite displeased with me but I did! And I did it. I wish I’d gone to university as a mature student as I coasted through my degree and wasted the opportunities – I have a friend who did the same degree before me with a small son and she took every opportunity she could! Now, I’m self-employed and I know so many self-employed women who play their achievements down, don’t charge enough, etc., and I am happy to celebrate how well I’ve done – those women are often my age and do the same as I do. So that feels odd to me as we should all be Thatcher’s ball-breaking, 4 hours of sleep a night, shoulder-padded suit women!
Your comments on blog friends chimed with me, too – I’ve met some lovely people through blogs – some in real life, many not …
Thank you, Liz! I have definitely embraced color and the boho style while retaining lots of my school teacher style. Oh, I think it’s terrible you were discouraged from doing what you really and truly wanted to do. I’m so glad you became a librarian despite her. I don’t know many self-employed women so it’s discouraging to read that many still feel the need to disparage their accomplishments. We should definitely be encouraging ourselves as well as other women to be the very best version of ourselves…and screaming it from the rooftops…with or without shoulder pads! I’m so glad you commented!
I am never disappointed when I visit your blog — you always have something thoughtful/fun/interesting to write about and today is no exception. Your bucket list is a testament to hard work, dedication and love. My goodness you are impressive!!! I was born in the 50s and remember how things have changed for women over the years. I never figured out what I wanted to be when I grew up … so I tried a bunch of different things … college, administrative assistant, preschool teacher, library worker and part-time book store clerk. I didn’t even marry until I was forty! I’m glad I was able to be an independent woman and try a non-traditional path. PS. … love your outfit!
Thank you so much, Beth! Just when I start to wonder if I should keep blogging, I get a comment like yours. And, I truly treasure them! I’m also glad to read what you’ve written about how you grew up…so I didn’t just imagine it! One of my quasi-regrets is that I have never lived as an independent woman. But, I wouldn’t trade all the years with Mike for a million dollars (two million maybe…hahaha). And, thanks for the compliment on the outfit!
Oh, this is so good. And I did do the non-traditional occupation, eh? It’s not considered that now, but then it was.
I may have to do one of these. I was just talking to Rob about our dental boards and how when I look back, I am so proud of myself.
I’m sorry about your grandchild in heaven. Part of this list is the fact we have gone through hard times, right?
XOOX
Jodie
Thanks, Jodie! Yes, you did the darn thing! You should definitely do one. I’ll warn you…it’s difficult to come up with things. I almost didn’t publish this post. And, thank you. We lost him in 2016. It’s so strange to think he’d be nine this year. I see him with blond curly hair for some strange reason.
Amazing accomplishments, Marsha. I love that you listed all of that for us and other women. I don’t feel like I have enough to brag about so it is definitely something I struggle with. I don’t compliment myself either because I don’t feel like I have a lot to compliment. I may need therapy. I guess I am good at – or better now – at pushing through trials to reach my goals and I’m good at being able to distract others when they are sad and stressed out.
The idea of a reverse bucket list sounds very cool! I had never heard of it before.
I love that dress too.
Thank you, Lisa! Believe me when I tell you it was hard to write this post. But, I really think we need to celebrate ourselves because, at least in my case, all of my accomplishments were pretty much taken for granted. I think, if you sat down and thought about it, you’d come up with so many different things you’ve achieved. You live with a chronic disease. Sometimes, getting out of bed is a victory. That’s something you should celebrate. You’re an author! If you think about what I wrote about women being pretty much conditioned to not compliment themselves, you’ll see that you have been captured by that. I was for so many years…don’t wait until you’re my age to celebrate yourself! You are an amazing woman. I see it in your writing, your humor, and our crafternoons! Try writing one just as a writing exercise, and I think you’ll surprise yourself! And, now, I will vacate my soap box.
Kudos to you my friend! Love this your reverse bucket list. Go Hoosiers! My last trip up there is coming soon with my son’s graduation. I think of you every time I pass the Brownsburg sign. 🙂 Fabulous kimono!
https://www.kathrineeldridge.com
Thanks, Kathrine! Wow! I can’t believe he’s graduating already. Some day, when I get to Chicago again (I make that sound like it’s thousands of miles away), we will have to meet up!
You, too, are so insightful, Marsha! I’ve only been blogging a few years but I enjoy this community so much and appreciate the connections I find here! (I loved Sue’s “Reverse Bucket List” post, as well – It really got me thinking, too!)
Thank you so much, Laura! Wasn’t Sue’s post just so good? I knew I had to write one (with her permission). I really didn’t realize blogging could or even would lead to friendships and connections!
The reverse bucket list is a cool idea, and you certainly have an amazing one! This outfit is swooshy print mix goodness; I really like the spiky metal bracelets to add a bit of edge to it.
Thank you, Sally! You never quite know what you’re going to get with Kantha Bae. The colors are usually very different. I was so happy to see the vibrant colors in this one. I think you would be amazed if you made your own reverse bucket list. I’m sure it would be very interesting to read!
I love this idea of a reverse bucket list. It’s a great way to look back and recognize all your accomplishments. And man, you have accomplished a lot! Your dress is stunning on you!
Thank you, Laura! I just love these kimonos! I thought I would have a hard time coming up with my list, but I really didn’t. I think it’s one of those things we should update regularly, too!
You make an excellent point about how women are taught not to discuss their accomplishments. While it may be more true for earlier generations, it still seems that women struggle with this. And yes, my mom said she felt confined to three careers – teacher, nurse, or secretary. It was hard to go into other fields!
I enjoyed your reverse bucket list very much. And now I know you a bit better. 😁 Kudos to Sue.
Thanks, Michelle! I think a version of this will be around for years and years. These kinds of ideas and perceptions are generational. So, if you were taught that, you tend to teach it. I was raised by a very independent woman even though Dad was still alive for sixteen years of my life. In fact, I didn’t realize women weren’t the powerhouses my mom was until I got into the real world. I’m glad you enjoyed the reverse bucket list. It was hard to push publish on it because of that ingrained feeling of not bragging about myself.
Hi, Marsha – The bucket list is so well known and the reverse seems to be quite unknown. It’s important to appreciate what we’ve done in life and be grateful for the opportunities we’ve had. So this is good that you shared this wonderful practice with us. You sound like a very high-energy person! And your style projects your true self beautifully. Another way to wear this work of art is with wide-leg pants underneath (I noticed at the Kantha Bae website.) Part of the uniqueness of the piece is the slit so I would be sorry to see you sew it up…but whatever makes you most comfortable is best. Thank you for letting us get to know you – Angie, http://www.YourTrueSelfBlog.com
Thanks, Angie! I loved discovering the reverse bucket list. I think it’s something everyone should do. I think they would be surprised. It’s also something you could revisit each year. I appreciate your compliments so much. I’m going to have to check my Kantha Bae pants to see if they would go with this kimono. I also have another pair that could work. I usually wear leggings with these, but I love the wide leg pants, too!
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I had never heard of a reverse bucket list but I think it’s a great idea to look back on accomplishments – especially when we need to give ourselves a little pep talk. You have achieved so much! I love your kimono, the mix of prints is stunning! Thanks for linking!
Emma xxx
http://www.style-splash.com
Thank you, Emma, for the feature. I love these kimonos…they are so easy to wear! I hadn’t heard of a reverse bucket list, either, until Sue wrote about it. I think they’re a wonderful exercise in building ourselves up!
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