Nigel has always had definite opinions about my hair. When we first got married, he liked it long. That was fine because it was the 70s, and everyone wore their hair long. Then, my little sister went to beauty school and needed to practice things like perms. Luckily, it was the 80s, and that frizzled style was in. So, I got perm after perm after perm. I would have indentations in my hair from where the perm rods had been for weeks. About the time those disappeared, and I actually liked my hair, it was time for another. So, during that time, I would like my hair for about two weeks out of every six to eight weeks. I stopped after a bit because I was so tired of the mess, the smell, the everything. By then, I think my hair was just a bit below my shoulders. Over the years, I would go in and tell my little sister I wanted this hairstyle or that hairstyle. Unfortunately, I always came out with the same haircut! She had a successful business, but I’m not entirely sure she was all that good at it. Of course, most of her clients were little old ladies (who were probably the age I am now). I would go home and wash my hair and style it the way I always did. Finally, one summer, I told her I wanted to cut it short, and I meant short…not Dame Judi Dench short…just up around my ears short. Everyone was shocked, not only that I’d done it, but that it actually worked! My little sister had tried hard to convince me not to do it. She was probably the one most surprised by how good it looked. My hair is baby fine and thin. I don’t even have a lot of hair as some fine-haired people do.
Hairstyles and haircuts…
At first, when we moved, I drove back every six or seven weeks to have her do it. But, that was five hours roundtrip, not including the time in her chair. So, I decided to find a new stylist. I had the absolute best luck in finding a stylist who lived down the street from me! At first, she just continued to cut it and color it like my sister had. Then, I asked her about going grey. She said we could always try it. If I didn’t like it, we could go back to dyeing it. And, that was it! She put highlights in it to help with the growing out process. My sister had been afraid (and maybe even a little jealous) I would have beautiful hair like our dad had had. And, I did! My new hair was silvery grey. It has gotten more silver as the years have gone past.
Hair colors…
Then, my stylist suggested having a little fun with some color so we did. My first was…you guessed it…purple! Nigel had long ago realized I was done listening to his hankering for my long straight hair. That was a me that I’d outgrown. Today, I am open to almost any color. I’m probably not going to ever do orange again. Not because I didn’t like the result, but because, as it faded, it was yellow and looked like old wool sheared off a sheep! So, purple, greens, blues, pinks, reds…I’m open to all of them…except yellow and orange!
If only…
The other day, I was sitting in the chair at the salon. And, I was thinking, “If only I could cut it off and wear it like Dame Judi Dench, I’d do it in a heartbeat.” That sent me down the rabbit holes of my mind. There have been so many things I haven’t done in my life because I thought Nigel wouldn’t like it, or someone would think I was ridiculous. I have to admit one of the things I’ve always feared was that someone thought I was a fool. Now, to be completely honest, that had more to do with my teaching than anything else. In fact, I was thinking about this so much, that I went right out to my car, sat there in the parking lot, and went live on Instagram! I never do that! But, I’ve been doing a live every day since. It’s hard to keep within the time limits for a live. If I go over three minutes, the algorithm won’t suggest me to others beyond my followers. I had no idea! And, if you’re on for less than one minute, you can’t share it! But, I digress.
Approval…
I think we get so caught up in the “If only” mindset that we don’t try new things. We’re waiting for permission from I don’t know who. For me, it became Nigel. He and I are different in a few ways. He is quiet. You will rarely find him guffawing at a joke. I, on the other hand, have been known to actually snort because I’m laughing so hard. Have you ever laughed so hard you go on over into tears? Just me…hmmm… Nigel is an introverted extrovert while I am an extroverted introvert. Nigel talks easily to strangers while I stay inside rather than have to figure out what to say. I guess what I’m trying to say is there are things I would have done in my life “if only” I’d felt Nigel would have either done it, too, or approved of me doing it. That sounds like I had to seek his approval, doesn’t it? I don’t mean that as much as I mean I sought his approval for doing something. Does that make the muddy waters any clearer? Probably not, but I know what I mean. I would have gone to big concerts, gone out with friends more often, and just made some different choices. This is so hard to write, but I put so many things off in my life. Now, I’m not so far from my 70th birthday (which totally blows my mind), and I’m wondering just how much longer I have.
The blame game…
So, my message to you is to not think, “if only.” Don’t wait to take that trip, buy those shoes, or color your hair shades of pinks and purples. Life is too short for “if only.” If you can do it, safely and within your budget, do the dang thing. We only have this one life so we need to make the most of it as often as we can. It took me quite a while to realize that Nigel wasn’t the one holding me back. It is/was/and has been me all along!
The outfit…
You may have noticed something new! Yes, I got a new dress from Gudrun Sjödén. Nah…well, I did get a new dress, but my hair stylist added these merlot, purple, and hot pink colors in my hair. She also added a lavender (I think) glaze on the part that wasn’t colored. These are fashion colors which will gradually fade away. The downside to these is I have to wash (or condition) my hair in icy cold water. This is the Sand dress from Gudrun Sjödén. The name is rather appropriate, isn’t it? It’s actually called Dark Natural. I added a pink slip to bookend my look!
The Lewk!
These Gentle Souls Caplin espadrilles are just so comfortable, but they aren’t available in this color any longer. I really like wearing a wedge like this because they give me height plus they’re easy on my arches. The jewelry is very old. The bracelet is from Loft back when it was called Ann Taylor Loft. The elastic is actually a bit stretched out so I was afraid it would pop as I was putting in on or taking it off. The earrings are from…you guessed it…eBay! The two necklaces are from J Jill. I always seem to wear them together.
Wrap it up, Marsha!
I hope I am not giving you the wrong idea about Nigel. He is very supportive of me and what I do. It was a bit eye-opening when I realized I had been the person holding me back from doing so much. I may appear to be an outgoing person, but that’s far from the truth. I’m very content to stand along the wall and blend in. I know that sounds weird given that I’m now a docent and do a lot of talking with complete strangers. Now, the one thing that’s holding me back is deciding when to get another tattoo! So, can we talk? Have you ever suffered from a case of the “if onlys?” Or, are you one of those people who rushes headlong into new ventures and adventures? What do you do to get out of that “if only” rut? Any ideas for a tattoo? Please leave me a comment or two, and we can talk. I promise to respond as quickly as I can.
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You are a young as you feel and I like the matching slip with the hair.
Thanks, Rosie! I agree…I have to stop myself at times and remind me that I’m 67 not 37! And, thank you for the compliment!
There are a lot of “if onlys” in my life, but also quite a few “oh, what the hecks”.
I remember my stylist being quite shocked when I said I’d go grey now, but without cutting my hair short (he then said he was surprised how well it worked, I’m still not completely grey, by the way, but sprinkled). I haven’t had a professional haircut since the pandemic (my stylist died shortly after, I never bothered looking for a new one). My hair is about butt length now, I chop off the ends every, now and then). I let my bangs grow out, no matter how ridiculous it looked at some point.
I got a tattoo years ago, only encouraged by two friends (my mother kept saying “it’s sooo big” (it isn’t)).
I could go on – also about the “if onlys” – but that would get boring 😉
It’s a beautiful hair color, Marsha, and looks very good on you!
https://catswire.blogspot.com/
Thanks, Cat! I am really pleased with it and know it will be gone in a few weeks. So, it’s easy enough to get through should I not like the colors some time. I love the “oh, what the hecks!” I don’t think I ever did that until I got later. So, good for you. I wouldn’t mind not having my hair cut except it just gets scraggly and really limp. Like I said, it’s very thin and fine so when it’s long, it just hangs. I used to cut my own bangs, too, but I wouldn’t dare do that with my new stylist! I love her, but I’m a little scared of her, too! Oh, I want to know more about your tattoo! You can find a photo of mine if you search tattoo on the blog! I’m never bored by your writing, Cat! You are so good!
I can tell you what my mother would say “Oh Marsha, that is SO BIG!” 😂 I think it’s a wonderful reminder of your children and another one for your grandchildren would be lovely!
You can surely guess what mine is. Well, a cat of course! I have a favorite picture of my Ponder as a kitten hanging in the cat net in the window looking at the pigeons. I called him my little land shark. He’s on the side of my calf just for myself because I hardly wear anything short. The tattoo artist tried to convince me to get a tribal style cat instead or a small sitting one because he said it would be one black blob, but I just said I’d go elsewhere then.
It didn’t hurt at all, by the way. I definitely had higher pain tolerance at that age!
Yes, it definitely is big. The worst thing about it, though, is I can’t see it! I don’t know what I was thinking! Next time, and there will be a next time, I’m putting it somewhere I can see it all the time.
I saw your email, and I love that for a tattoo. Wow! I found the black part of the tattooing was the most painful. My brother has several as does my youngest son. My son’s all have personal meaning for him. I think my brother’s do, for the most part, but he has a tribal band over his shoulders. I asked him what tribe we belonged in…no response!
I definitely don’t feel like an adventurous go getter but I do think I am getting better at getting rid of the “if only” thoughts. I definitely find myself feeling more confident as I get older. I had lots of anxiety as a young adult that held me back from lots of things. I love your hair!
Thanks, Joanne! I think it’s partly a mom/wife thing, don’t you? I had lots of anxiety when I was younger, too. I’m glad you’re feeling more confident. You have always impressed me as being very confident.
Good for you, Marsha! I could not agree more, if you want to do something and it’s within your budget then GO FOR IT! Life is way too short to live with regret.
These colors look so good on you! I love the way they light up our face!
xo,
Kellyann
Thanks, Kellyann! I think you’re rubbing off on me! I was just so overcome with that feeling last week that I took the chance and did a live on Instagram. And, you know what? It didn’t kill me! I wish I’d learned that lesson of not living with regret so much earlier. And, thank you for the compliments. One of the best things about the dark color in the front is how it camouflages my thinning hair!
I love your message of don’t wait! That’s why I’m heading to Italy this Friday. I love the hair. The color is so pretty and I loved watching your posts on Insta for it.
https://www.kathrineeldridge.com
Thanks, Kathrine! I’m so proud of you for doing that. I want to do something like that, but right now, I have to concentrate on getting Mike back to 100% (or as close as possible). Please let me know how the trip goes.
I think we all suffer from that. The thing with hair is that it grows out, so even a significant change is not irreversible. Same with clothes, right??
Love the color and your analyses,
XOXO
Jodie
Thanks, Jodie! It’s interesting you say that. Today (Tuesday), I went into pick Mike up from P/T. The women in the waiting room were all gushing about my hair. One woman said, “I wish I was that brave.” I told her she was that brave, and she could definitely do it. She said she was going to buy some color and do it! I hope she does. It’s sad we think we can’t do something because we’re not brave enough, or someone won’t like it. I love the freedom I now have with my hair. My sister would never have done anything like this. I love my stylist…she’s so much fun!
I love that you are adventurous with your hair! I think the colors are so fun and look good with your silvery gray.
Thanks, Laura! It really is fun because it’s not permanent!
Love your hair! I am now 70 and thinking back I wish I had been braver with some decisions. A lot of my timidity wasn’t my husband at that time, but worrying about what others would think. I was well regarded in my profession and should have started my own business but didn’t, so ended up working for some terrible bosses towards the end of my working life.
Thank you, Janey! Do you think it’s a generational thing? We were raised thinking we shouldn’t stand out (at least, I was). I used to worry about what others think. Now, I don’t very often. Today (Wednesday), I was at the museum, and a guard stopped me to compliment me on my hair. One of the other docents thought I’d perhaps been too close to something and laughed when I told her I’d just received a compliment. Honestly, I forget about it, and I’m sure my face looks a little surprised when people say anything about it.
That is interesting that you now believe it’s a narrative you told yourself. He didn’t hold you back, but your belief of his disapproval held you back? So, is it a communication thing? I always told my students that they can’t be mad at me if they didn’t tell me they were not having a good day or something of the sort. My point was you can’t be mad at someone for something they didn’t know. I fear that my lack of doing things is coming from getting too comfortable now. The unknown is uncomfortable.
But, you are doing new things – the docent position, the hair, going live, the technology for blogging. Maybe you aren’t giving yourself credit? Deep thoughts that are making me think as well.
Hmmm…I don’t know that it was disapproval so much as he just didn’t know what to do with them. That sounds weird, but for most of their childhoods, he was in night school. Some semesters, it was every night of the week. That’s a good point that it may have been a communication issue, and I just didn’t bring it up. The other side of this is (if there’s an other side) I’m really shy. I just don’t like new situations, inserting myself into conversations, established social groups/friendships. I really can’t describe what I mean, I guess. It was just this feeling I had of having to have approval. And, that probably comes from the disapproval I always felt from my mom as I was growing up. We had an extremely rocky relationship basically because we were the same person! Oh, Amy, you’re really making me think!
As for the new things, yes, I’m doing them. I started blogging because I wanted to learn how to do something new. My blog is built from the ground up by me! I figured out all the ins and outs via YouTube and articles. But there are other things I want to do. I want to go to England on my own. I’ve even gotten as far as looking at hotels and flights. What’s holding me back? The little details, like when to pick up my luggage to make sure it goes on, going through customs. I’ve done all those things but always with someone who knew what to do. I want to prove to myself I can do it. But, and here’s where I get stuck, what if I don’t do it right and end up in London with absolutely no luggage? Mike said, “Just buy new clothes.” I feel like a baby robin whose mom is pushing it out of the nest with him these days. He is the one saying, “Do it.” I’m the one saying, “But…” And, no, I don’t give myself enough credit. I never have. I thought all teachers had inferiority complexes! Wow!! TMI for sure!
I enjoy seeing you have fun with your hair color, and it’s great that it’s temporary so you can experiment without a big commitment. Love the matching hair color and slip in this look!
Thank you, Sally! I’m not sure I’d do it if it was permanent! It is definitely a conversation starter. I have had colored hair before, but this combination has really created so many conversations with women telling me I was brave. I tell them they can be brave, too. Isn’t that sad?
That is a very cool hair color and the stylist did a great job! I absolutely love the mix of it in the silver. And the dress matching it is so cool! Way to go being brave and just going for it.
Thanks, Lisa! She is amazing! I never really know what it’s going to look like until the end! I wish I’d always been this brave!
Ha – I thought that was a Gudrun Sjödén dress! I look at the website sometimes but everything is so flowy and flowery and I am short and I think I’ll look weird in them. So I stick to my plain uniform. I love your hair colour! I am going grey very slowly – I have really, really dark hair that it’s hard to get a colour to show up in, so I’m longing to go silver so I can do all those bright colours! I had it bleached in stripes and orange added when I did the Birmingham Marathon in 2017 (my running club’s colours are black and orange) and I loved it, but the orange washed out almost immediately and then I was too lazy to either bleach the stripes or dye them black so I had a very odd look for quite a while! I am happy with my hair as it is, style wise: we’re never happy with how thick or wavy or thin or straight it is, though, are we!
Thanks so much, Liz! I am only 5’1″ so you might be surprised. I do have to pull the slips way up right under my boobs! I had been dyeing my hair for several years so I wasn’t sure what my hair would look like once I let it grow out. My sister really didn’t want to do it, but my new stylist was all for it. But, my hair was a lighter brown in the first place. I am sure you looked quite fun with those orange stripes! No, we never are happy with our hair. I just wish mine was thinning at the hairline! I can deal with the fineness, but the thinning is another matter all together.
I’ve always wanted a little tattoo… but not sure I will ever get that done! So I have fun in other ways, mainly I love having fun choosing what I wear every day and one thing you would have never seen me trying before my 40s was tulle skirts and now I just love them. Yes, I probably am more dressed up than all of the other moms picking up their kids from the primary school, but I do it in style! It’s interesting to see my hair over the years… I definitely have had some better haircuts than others. Your purple hair is fun! And I love how the purple is picked up by that purple hem!
http://www.chezmireillefashiontravelmom.com
Thanks, Mireille! I love tattoos and truly do want another one. Mike is not a fan, though. I am sure you are probably the best dressed in the pick up line at school. I think it’s important to have fun wherever and whenever we can as long as it’s not at the expense of someone else.
I love your hair with color in. Most men seem to like longer hair. Mine does. There was an outcry when a Miss France was chosen who had short hair! Thanks for linking at #TuesdayTwirl
Thanks, Gail! Oh, my husband definitely likes my hair longer, but it has become too thin for that. I remember that Miss France…it was quite the sensation even though she was gorgeous!
I had so many bad perms in the 80’s also. And I had really long hair and cut it super short in the early 90’s too. Love your hair! It looks so cool! The color is so fun!
Jill – Doused in Pink
Thanks, Jill! I really do like the fashion colors because they’re not dye so they don’t penetrate the shaft. And, if I don’t like them, I just wash my hair in hot water with purple shampoo. That softens it up very quickly. There are days I wish I had my really long hair again, but I’ve discovered it really weighs my hair down, and I like some volume!
It’s eye-opening to realize that the only person holding you back is yourself. Or that the only thing in your way is yourself. It’s through these realizations that we learn and grow. You look fabulous with that color. I’m tempted to try the same.
Rena
finewhateverblog.com
Thanks, Rena! You could definitely pull the colors off! They would look spectacular in your curly hair. I am truly the one holding me back. I want to go to the UK this fall yet I have done nothing but look at the schedules a little bit. I keep coming up with reasons why I shouldn’t go. The funny thing is, years ago, it would have been money holding me back. Now, it’s just me!