Women disappear…
I’m not sure about you, but I’ve read lots of articles and blog posts about how women disappear. I’m not talking about kidnapping. I’m talking about how women of a certain age seem to disappear from sight. It’s tough being a woman of a certain age…that is, if you let it! What, you ask, is a woman of a certain age? Honestly, I don’t really know. I think, at one time, it would have been a woman in her 40s. Now, you can google it and find all different kinds of answers. My belief is it’s a euphemism for women past their prime.
Past my prime…
OK, let’s be honest. I’m past my prime if we’re talking about child bearing. I’ll go one step further and finally tell you I had a complete hysterectomy last summer. I have no reproductive organs at all. That was my choice because, after all the weeks of anxiety, wondering about the different kinds of cancers I could have had, I didn’t want to ever worry about uterine, cervical, or ovarian cancer. So, yes, I am definitely past my prime for bearing a child! But, am I past my prime for doing other things?
What I can do…
One of the things I can do, for my mental and emotional health, is to get dressed every day. I’ll admit, during Covid, there were days I got up, showered, and put my pajamas right back on. I didn’t wear make up or do my hair for months. In fact, my stylist told me my hair was in really good condition! Sure, it was…I hadn’t dried it with a hair dryer in months. Now, I realize that was a huge mistake. I should have made the effort to make myself feel better even if the only person seeing me was Nigel! Our kids would only come to the end of the driveway. Seems like forever ago, and yet only yesterday, yes?
Other things…
I am constantly out in my yard, pulling weeds, planting new plants, watering which means I have to lug those heavy hoses all around. Even though mowing is part of the benefits of living in our neighborhood, there are times I still mow it. That drives Nigel nuts because he thinks it’s a man’s job…pffft!! I have mowed since I was about ten years old, and I think I do a better job than he does anyway! I can also meet with contractors and make decisions even when they so obviously want to talk solely to Nigel! I refuse to be invisible! Full transparency here…one of the things I just cannot do is use an impact driver! I will put multiple holes in the wall when I only want one! But, I can paint a wall like nobody’s business! I am quite excellent at cutting in!
Women disappearing and fashion…
Jodie often talks about shopping in stores where women of a “certain age” are not expected. While I probably wouldn’t buy an entire outfit in one, there are some really cute separates. I don’t shop at most of those places because the prices are ridiculous; they are too trendy for my taste; and, let’s face it, they’re fast fashion. But, if you want to see something amazing, take a look at the photo of Dame Helen Mirren below. Now, I realize this was four years ago, but Mirren is still showing up on the talk shows and appearing on the silver screen. I’ve linked to the article about Mirren here. Oh, and by the way…she was 74 when these photos were shot! Yet, we still don’t see that many women of a “certain age” on the catwalks or in print ads.
Makeup…
I love seeing older women in commercials and print ads for makeup. I honestly don’t get my knickers in an uproar when the products are specified “anti-aging.” I know there are some who see that as an oxymoron. If you’re anti-aging, you’re not aging which means…you’re dead! Now, I think there is more than enough room for more women who are older in the makeup realm. I think I would make a fine model, right? Hahaha!!!
One of my favorites…
I have loved this poem for years. I think it is the way we should live our lives. I’m not currently doing that, but once Nigel’s hips are good, we are going to do lots of raging! It may seem like a poem about death and is used frequently at funerals. I see it more as encouragement to make the most out of life.
Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
– Dylan Thomas
My outfit…
I certainly won’t be a member of the Disappearing Women club in this outfit, will I? I know wide legs supposedly aren’t for those of us who are vertically challenged. But, I grew up in the 70s and have an undying love for wide leg anything! During Loft’s recent half off sale, I moseyed into the local store (which is woefully understocked). These Breezy Wide Leg Pants screamed my name! I tried them on and knew I’d be leaving with them. They look full length on me, right? These are the regular length! Remember, I’m only 5’1″ so bear that in mind should you be interested in them. I looked all around for a top to go with them, but nothing seemed to even whisper my name. After buying them, I wandered down to Old Navy and found this EveryWear Tee shirt. I was thrilled when I held the tee up to the pants and realized the pinks were almost a perfect match! We all know how much I love a good stripe mixed with a floral print!
And, so…
Here’s the thing. We don’t have to disappear if we’re women of a “certain age” or “past our prime.” We get to choose how we live out this part (or any part) of our lives. We can wear the bold colors; we can make the decisions even when the salesperson wants so desperately to talk to the man; we can assert our rights to exist. Now, before you think I’m saying you have to choose bold patterns and colors like I like, I want you to know that’s the farthest thing from what I’m saying. We.Get.To.Decide! We don’t have to accept what society says we should be wearing. If neutrals and classics are your thing, wear them! Because you get to decide what you wear. Don’t let anyone, including me, influence what you wear or how you wear it. I’m saying…say it with me now…you do you, boo! We make up almost half the population of the world. That’s huge, and we shouldn’t disappear at any age!
The Lewk!
These Born sandals are more than 15 years old! I also have them in green and black. I had tried to find them in lavender and pink at the time but to no avail. The bracelet is an old one from Talbots. They did a whole campaign with these colors and also greens and blues. I wish I’d nabbed the bracelet in those colors, too. And, if you want to talk old, these earrings are from the Target store that was rebuilt behind Glenbrook Square Mall. If you’re one of my readers from that area, you’ll know how old they are!
Wrap it up, Marsha!
It’s funny. When I was growing up, I had no idea women didn’t have the same rights men had. I didn’t know my mom couldn’t have a credit card in only her name nor could she have her own checking account. When Dad had his first heart attack in 1969 and the doctor said to reduce his stress, Mom began driving us on vacations and everywhere we went. I don’t know how Dad felt about that, but there was no arguing with Mom when she’d made up her mind. I think he also realized how fiercely she loved him and the lengths she’d go to to protect him. I decided to take a page out of Mom’s book and live life fiercely. So, can we talk? What age is a “certain age?” Do you think women disappear as they get older? What do you do so that you don’t disappear? Please leave me a comment or two, and we can talk. I promise to respond as soon as possible.
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I feel exactly the same way Marsha , it is a choice to fade in to the background . I know I for one will certainly not let that happen to me. I also am very much of the opinion that it is a mindset . Wear what makes you happy , there is no such thing as age appropriate clothing .
We will keep on being as visible as possible .
Thank you, Jill! You are right…it’s a mindset. I know when I feel confident, I walk differently. And, then, I see a photo and realize I was really a hot mess, but I pulled it off because of the confidence! I don’t think there is age appropriate clothing, but I think there is society appropriate clothing. I see too many people wearing the f bomb (a word I use 100s of times a day) on their shirts. When they’re around little people just learning to read…that’s inappropriate. Consider the people around you is what I think. I hope that came across the way I meant it to.
Oh you are a woman to my heart! A few months ago a doctor said to me: yes, but you are almost 60 already. And that hit me so hard! I’m 57 btw. But the fact that I’m almost 60, which I thought I would never make, makes me feel old. And I see my body changing a lot, haha. In my head I’m 42! We, older, women are so much more beautiful then a lot of young women full of fillers and botox all looking the same! Love your outfit. Perfect print mixing.
Whoa!!! That is horrible a doctor would say that to you. I’m so glad you’ve made it to 57 and beyond. Lordy, my body changes constantly, and right now, it’s not for the good! But, we are definitely beautiful…our faces and bodies tell wonderful stories of the lives we’ve led.
Thank you, my friend!
Oh wow, I’m just about to post a blog on Vivienne Westwood – now there is a woman who wasn’t afraid of ageing or doing any work on her face. Because despite that wonderful pic of Helen Mirren that is face that has had a lot of work. That’s not how women of 74 mostly look like. But Westwood, now there was someone who wasn’t afraid to be herself – and be outrageous. Personally I want to encourage women to wear exactly what they want to wear throughout their entire lives and into their 80s (I’m not far off that) and 90s. But you can disappear if you want to – it is a choice – me, I do not!!
Love the pink outfit btw!
Thanks for this Marsha – I shall get on that soapbox with you!
I can’t wait to read that post, Penny! I love Vivienne Westwood’s clothing! Have you seen recent interviews of Helen Mirren? She looks like she’s embraced her natural face though it may have been enhanced earlier. I do agree about the photo I included. My point was that she was 74 and appearing on a runway. I intend to wear what I want for as long as I live. I will just get more and more outrageous, I suppose (and kinda hope). I’m glad you joined me on my soapbox, Penny! Thank you!
Oh I love those wide legged pants; they are so bright and pretty and you look adorable in them! I don’t think they swamp you at all or make you look shorter or any of those other weird arguments about why shorter people shouldn’t wear them. I handle 95% of all the household tasks like painting, scheduling the septic guys, the driveway sealers, the exterminators, etc. and my husband is never here for them to try and go over my head to deal with him.
Thanks, Joanne! I love them, too! I was glad they looked good in the photos. Mike has always taken care of that stuff, but when we were building this condo and when we bought our last car, I took the lead. It was so painfully obvious the salespeople really wanted to talk to him!
You always write so beautifully about interesting topics, Marsha.
It’s funny about the “disappearing” ladies of a certain age. As an introvert, I kind of like it. Ha! But yes, it’s insulting when we are overlooked by someone preferring to talk to “the man.” That happened to me before I was of “a certain age” though. One of the disrespects we endure by being a woman at any age. Sigh! I’ll admit, I am still getting used to being invisible, despite kind of liking it. It’s more like coming to terms with how I am choosing to view myself in this new life stage, and how I am going to navigate it. I will definitely be navigating it with the wild clothes I love so much. I think you and I have similar tastes in that regard.
And I love this outfit, Marsha! Absolutely adorable.
Thank you, Michelle! I just start writing some days, and a blog post appears! I’m an extroverted introvert so I don’t necessarily like to be the center of attention unless I know I’m going to be the center of attention. Oh, I remember calling to find out the price of brakes for a truck we had when we were first married. The guy quoted me some price. Mike called the same place, talked to the same guy, and the price was $100s less! I was so pissed! I have just decided I’m not going to be invisible and wearing clothes like this helps a lot. I’m also forcing myself to interact with other people.
First off that outfit is stunning…I just love every bit of it.
Second, my mom was telling us the same thing about buying cars and getting credit cards, it’s inconceivable, right??
The other funny thing is the first time I took my mom into Old Navy, she didn’t want to go because she thought it was a young girls store. But man, has that store sure changed it’s profile, right?? I bet it’s also considered fast fashion but they have some fabulous items.
Love this subject and Helen is one of my idols. She always says what she means!!
XOOX
Jodie
Thanks, Jodie! I loved that the tee shirt matched the pants perfectly! I really didn’t know women couldn’t get credit cards back then. I do remember my mom couldn’t get one for years because her credit score was so low. Her house was paid for; she paid cash for her cars; and had absolutely no debt. So, she didn’t have a credit score. Finally, Sears took a chance on her. She would have to borrow one of my credit cards when she went on vacation so she could book rooms ahead. And, that was in the 90s! Old Navy has really become my go-to of the Gap Brands. Banana Republic’s prices are ridiculous, and I’m not even sure I like what they offer. I have had more sweaters pill horribly from there than anything I’ve bought at Old Navy!
What a great outfit. I love the mixed prints but done in the same colors — it looks perfect.
I refuse to simply disappear. While I’m a social introvert, I’m a sartorial extrovert. I love loud, bold clothing and will wear whatever makes me happy. Helen Mirren is an icon and I love that she keeps showing up.
Thanks, Daenel! I think you may be on to something! But, I am an extroverted introvert and am definitely a sartorial extrovert! I think Helen Mirren is just amazing, too!
I agree! Women don’t need to disappear at any age! I love the outfit and I love how each woman makes herself seem in her own way.
Helen Mirin, Judi Dench, and Meryl Streep have always impressed me with not being afraid to dress up and step out no matter their age.
Thanks, Lisa! I’m always impressed by women who rule the room and do what needs to be done!
I love the dress this actress is wearing. It is dressy yet elegant. I also love your outfit so colourful and perfect for the summer. https://www.bauchlefashion.com/2024/06/the-beauty-industrys-best-kept-secret.html
Thanks, Heather! That dress is amazing! And, I appreciate the compliments!
Your outfit is just fabulous! I think this is my favorite I’ve seen on you! I think we should never believe we are past our prime. We are always in the prime of our lives for some reason. Focus on the positive! You are enjoying your life and hard work that got you to retirement. It’s prime time for you!
Thank you, Laura! I have really been drawn to these colors, and I think that is reflected in my photos! Thank you for your words re: being in the prime of my life. I have those days when I don’t exactly feel that way. I appreciate your kindness.
This outfit works! I don’t see you disappearing! You have a young spirit! That’s what is great about teaching – it really does keep you young. I suspect that you having been in education helps you to stay that way. Also, having a blog and being on the internet keeps you knowledegable. I recently had dinner with a friend who doesn’t do any social media or watch any tv except sports. That’s fine and maybe commendable, but she really couldn’t hang with the conversation.
Fabulous sentiment behind this post Marsha! Thank you for sharing this important message. I adore this look. The print mixing is perfection!
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