Love…
As I said in a recent post, I’ve been thinking a lot about my parents. When my dad died in 1974, he was only 45 years old. While Mom and I knew death was an inevitability, Dad thought (or pretended to think) he was getting better. He often spoke of the trips he and Mom would take. Right after his death, Mom, unbeknownst to us, marched her butt down to the funeral home, planned her funeral, and plunked down the payment for it. That money went into a trust which grew and grew over the years. When she passed 30 years later, the only decisions we had to make were flowers and music. She had done all the rest. In fact, the four of us received quite a large refund because Mom had done so much preplanning. Talk about the ultimate act of loving!
No good time…
So, while many may think there’s not a good time to plan your funeral, I have to disagree. I also have to admit neither Nigel nor I have done any actual formal planning. I know his wishes; I don’t exactly have any other than I’d like boxes of crayons, colored pencils, and markers as well as other school supplies to be donated instead of flowers. You know…always a teacher! But if you don’t plan, you’re not going to be able to benefit from having exactly what you want after you die. At this point in time, we’ve all got an expiration date, right?
Like the present…
Nigel has made clear to me he wants to be cremated. As I said I don’t really have a plan. I honestly don’t care one way or the other. But, since Nigel’s wishes are to be cremated, that’s what I’m going to do. Well, I’m not going to be doing it…someone else will have that little chore of lighting the fire! We have talked about visiting a local funeral home to put our wishes on paper, but we haven’t quite made it there yet. If you don’t do these things in advance, the people who love you may not be quite prepared to carry out your wishes, especially if you’ve never voiced them.
A few tips…
Whether you’re looking at pure cremations or a burial, you need to think about why you should be planning your funeral now rather than waiting 40 to 50 years like we’ve done! Planning your funeral is one of the best ways to soften the blow of your loss on your loved ones. It’s also going to help you to avoid any issues in the future. Let’s take a look at why you should start.
- You don’t want your family to have that burden. If your family understands your wishes when you die, they’ll be able to make the decisions easily. If you’ve already laid out your funeral plans, they don’t have to make any decisions, and they can just focus on their grief. That can make a very big difference to how they feel after you have died at the burden that’s on them. You don’t have to worry about squabbling over closed or open casket. And you don’t have to worry about unnecessary expenses because you’ve already organized everything in advance.
- You want to pay for it. Assuming the financial responsibility for your funeral is important, planning allows you to make those financial arrangements and cover yourself without having to leave behind any money for anybody else to do it. If you do leave behind money, it doesn’t have to be used on your funeral. It can be used for your dependents to continue to live. Funeral insurance and funeral trusts are a sound financial planning option that you can consider way ahead of time. My own mom’s use of a funeral trust was such a good thing for us as we didn’t even have to think about paying for the funeral out of her estate. It was one thing my older sister just didn’t have to even think about.
- Grief is a funny thing. You think you’re over something, and then…Bam! You are a quivering puddle of tears wondering why you didn’t do this or that for your parent. I also know Nigel’s wishes as far as a service though I doubt my kids do. That’s another thing a plan can do…take that off their plates as they learn to deal with the loss. I do believe funerals can offer a sense of closure. When the kids were young, a young man who meant quite a bit to them died in a motorcycle accident. By going to the visitation, they were able to see he was truly gone. I think, had they not gone, there would have been some hesitation to believe he had truly died. This closure helps begin the healing process. Some families are able to grieve and begin healing together. Others need privacy as they process their loss.
- Of course, in all reality, you want your final wishes honored. If you have specific ideas, like my wish for school supplies rather than flowers, a plan is in place. Again, with a plan, family members don’t have to decide upon cremation or burial. One of the things I struggle with with a cremation is the lack of a headstone. I don’t necessarily think I need a monument, but it’s just strange to me as all my relatives who have passed have them. I’ve also told Nigel I don’t want dirges played at my funeral. I want rock and roll and plenty of it. No driving slowly to the cemetery should I change my mind about cremation, either! I have lived my life in the semi-fast lane, and those hearses going slowly are not for me! I want my funeral to be a celebration of my life should I finally decide that’s what I want. Nigel wants something completely different from me, and that’s OK.
Wrap it up, Marsha!
Wow! I’ve been on a bit of a maudlin streak lately, haven’t I? I guess all those ancient buildings and beautiful cemeteries have really gotten me thinking. Add in Labor Day and thinking of my parents, and up creeps the funeral post! I must admit I realize I have many more years behind me than before me (which freaks me out a tad) so I need to act on my own advice. So, can we talk? Do you have a burial plan in place? Do your loved ones know what you want? How do you feel about green burials? Please leave me a comment or two, and we can talk. I promise to respond as soon as possible.
Thank you!
I want to thank all of you from the bottom of my heart for reading, commenting, subscribing or emailing! It truly means so much to me! If you’d like to follow me on Instagram, you can find me here.
Affiliate links, discount codes and such:
Just a reminder that Marsha in the Middle may use an affiliate link. Those links are usually italicized. If you click or make a purchase from an italicized link I provide, I may receive a small commission at no cost to you. Thank you for your support. I am an April Cornell Brand Ambassador for another season. You can use my code, MARSHA15, for $15 off any order over $100. Use Marsha12 for 12% off any order of $65 or more at Buykud. I have also become a Halftee Partner. Use the code, MARSHA2098, for 20% off any purchase. I am also an affiliate with Clara Sunwoo. You can use my code, MARSHA10, for 10% off your entire order. In case you didn’t know, bloggers must disclose the use of affiliate links. That’s why I include this in each post.
Where you can find me:
Linking up with Nancy’s Fashion Style, Fine-Whatever, Is This Mutton, Shelbee on the Edge, Chez Mireile, Suzy Turner, and Away from the Blue as well as Deb’s World and A Fresh Cup of Coffee. I also link up with This Blonde’s Shopping Bag, Doused in Pink, I do deClaire, Mummabstylish, Style Splash and Elegantly Dressed and Stylish as well as the Senior Salon Pit Stop (Esme’s Salon) and Slices of Life. Please check out these wonderful ladies and their blogs! I also am a co-host for Ageless Style on the third Thursday of the month and Songful Style on the last Monday of the month. I co-host Traffic Jam Weekend every Thursday with Melynda, Lisa, and Sue. I also host Final Fridays on the last Friday of the month as well as 10 on the 10th on the 10th of the month! I do hope you’ll check out all of these blogs and link parties!
After my mom died in 2022, I started really riding PC to get busy updating our will. I had been singing that song for 5 years or more but when I saw the issues we had even though my parents had done everything they knew to do to make things easy for us, I realized we had to do better with our will. It needed updating in the worst way. It took a few months of hounding to get him on board but he came around. Now we need to look into burial/cremation services offered by the National Cemetery for veterans. That is supposedly one of the perks – PERKS? – of being a veteran, free burial or cremation. We need to look into it further.
Love the idea of folks brining or donating school supplies instead of flowers. I might consider doing the same with children’s books.
We actually were talking about doing this prior to Mike’s surgery, but we didn’t get it done in time. We do have wills that are fairly broad…everything sold and split up between the three. But, I want my special things to be divided between the kids with some choice involved. I also know how one little thing can upset the applecart, and you don’t even expect it. So, I need to do that more than anything. Hahaha…a perk of being a veteran…well, it’s much cheaper, that’s for sure.
While I love flowers, I loved teaching more, and there is more of a need for this kind of donation that flowers that will die in a few days time. Plus, you get more bang for the buck, right?
Thanks, Leslie!
It’s not a bad idea to plan for the future. My husband’s parents have theirs all worked out. Down to what everyone is receiving when they are gone. His mom showed me a pair of earring she is going to give me. So sweet! Thanks for reminding us that planning will help our families.
https://www.kathrineeldridge.com
I’m not sure our wills need updating as much as I need to sit down with all of my kids and decide who gets what of my jewelry. Other than that, I don’t think there’s anything they want. We kind of went through that when we moved.
Thanks, Kathrine!