A Nigel update…
Things are moving along wonderfully right now. Of course, Nigel hasn’t had an appointment for a few weeks. His physical therapist upped his appointments to an hour. They are working hard on strengthening those glutes and the thigh muscles that had been taking it easy. His walk is much, much better. I’m just hoping the surgeon sees the same improvement. It’s funny because the hospital group runs commercials trying to drum up business because there are lots of hospital groups here. The one on frequent rotation right now is about orthopedics, and wouldn’t you know, his surgeon shows up on our tv now! Nigel really likes him. Part of it, I think, is that he’s a graduate of the same college our oldest attended. It’s just a little strange to look up and see the guy who cut into your husband’s leg on your tv!
Global writing challenge…
Last year, I joined the wonderful women from Is This Mutton, MK’s Adventures in Style, Deb’s World, Grownup Glamour, and Frugal Fashion Shopper for a global writing challenge. Later, Suzy from Suzy Turner, and Leslie from Once Upon a Time Happily Ever After, and I joined in on the fun permanently! Gail chose this month’s theme. This is one of my favorite posts to write and to read! On top of the wonderfully different opinions and thoughts, the writing itself is wonderful! I hope you’ll visit all of these blogs because you are going to be amazed at, not only the diversity of the ideas, but the stories of each person. There’s also a link party at the end of this post!
If you want to participate…
I borrowed this listing from Deb as she’d already done the work (thanks, Debbie)! If you’d like to join in, we post on the third Thursday of the month. You can link up with me, Gail or Debbie.
- December: Going Green (Rosie)
She’s-shy…
Confidence seems to come easily to some people. I’m sure you’ve met those people. I am not one of them. I am painfully shy though my closest friends refuse to believe that. I made a conscious decision to not be shy when I was about eleven years old. I was tired of being introduced as: “This is Marsha-she’s-shy.” I mean, there was a time when I almost thought my middle name was she’s-shy! And, I do believe confidence and shyness can go hand in hand, but it takes some work.
A tough one…
I have started and stopped this post probably half a dozen times. I’m not sure why I just can’t find my groove. I am trying to pinpoint the exact moment when I became confident. I can recall exactly where I was when I decided I wasn’t going to be shy anymore. It is one of those moments etched precisely in my memory and will probably be one of those moments I will remember in my dotage. But, when did I become confident?
I started teaching in my early 30s. I made another conscious, but stupid decision not to go to college right out of high school. I got married instead. Long story short, I was a mom to three little kids and 27 years old when I started college. In my last Global Writing Challenge, I wrote about how I always knew I’d be a teacher. It just took me a bit to get there.
Those first years…
When I graduated, teaching positions were few and far between. I got lucky and subbed quite a bit. One semester, I subbed for a special education teacher, and I knew that was something I needed to pursue. In the meantime, I got my first “official” teaching job…teaching fourth grade at the same school I’d attended and that my kids were currently attending. I also know I got that job because I’d grown up with the principal. I had the grades, don’t get me wrong (3.94 out of 4.0 with three kids). But, it was the connection that truly got me that job. Unfortunately, or maybe, ultimately, fortunately, I was laid off at the end of that year due to financial and political maneuvering.
Special Education…
The following fall, I was subbing for another teacher on maternity leave when I was contacted about a special education job at Roanoke Elementary and Lancaster Elementary. I had already begun working on my Masters Degree in Special Education so I had some knowledge. Again, I had a contact who was pulling for me although she didn’t hire me. In October, 1992, I began my special ed career at two elementary schools in places I’d never even been in! It was a tough year because the schools were miles apart (every Friday, I had to split my time between the two), and the two principals had completely different leadership skills. The next year, the need was large enough to place a teacher at each school. I had to decide which school I would be at. Ultimately, I chose Roanoke because it was closer, and I still had kids at home. I knew, professionally, the other school would challenge me more. It was a tough call.
Annual case reviews…
So, what does all this have to do with confidence? Well, back then (and probably now), the law required a conference had to be held each year with parents to update them on the student’s progress, the areas where they were still struggling, and new goals written for the coming year. These conferences were called Annual Case Reviews (ACRs). The documents were Individualized Educational Plans (IEP), and I had to handwrite most of these in triplicate with a black ink pen in front of the parents! The timing for these conferences changed over the years. But, it was in these meetings that I discovered how much I knew about what I was doing. I could speak confidently with parents about their children as well as the education they were receiving. I could point clearly to the areas where their child had met a specific goal or objective as well as those they hadn’t. I was able to speak with teachers about how the students were doing in their classrooms. In the ten years I was a special ed teacher, I made it my goal to educate the principal as well as the general ed teachers about our students and how we were going to help that child succeed. My confidence grew with every year as I learned more and more about how to advocate for these kids. Many times, the teachers were convinced LD (learning disability) meant lazy and dumb. Did I convince all of them? Absolutely not. But, I kept plugging away.
General ed…
After ten years in special ed, I moved into the general ed sphere. I’d laughingly told a fourth grade teacher when she retired, I wanted her job. Lo and behold, she retired. I realized it was now or never so I became a fourth grade teacher. With that came several tests of my confidence. Now, I had to face an entire classroom (usually 25-30 students) and hold their attention while teaching them all the things! I also had to speak in front of all or almost all of their parents on Meet the Teacher night. The first several years, we didn’t have air conditioning, and I would be a sweaty mess. I do remember one of my former students asking me if I was going to be all wet the night her parents were coming for their younger daughter! I told her I hoped not, but I probably was!
Grampy and Granny…
And, then there was Grandparents’ Day. This was supposed to be just a few hours with grandparents visiting, seeing what their grandchildren were doing. What it really was was a production! As a grade level, we usually did some kind of play, had activities for the kids to do with their grandparents, and tried to carry on with a “normal” day. The biggest problem was the book fair was going on at the same time so grandparents would randomly take their grandkids to the library to buy books, pencils, and other doodads. So, putting on a play was almost impossible as, inevitably, the main character would be at the library! And, those grandparents wanted to eat when they wanted to eat, not when it was our scheduled time to eat. They also wanted to eat with all their grandkids as well as having their photos taken. It was a bit of a nightmare to be completely honest! The grandparents were supposed to leave right after lunch, but some would stay on. Others would want to take their grandchild home with them. I was supposed to tell them to leave but not take their grandkid! Hahaha!!! Try telling that to a granddad who towered over you! BTW…that’s what my grands call us…Grampy and Granny. It was supposed to be Grammy (and my youngest granddaughter still calls me that), but it morphed into Granny.
It’s funny that I found my confidence in a school as a teacher rather than cultivating it in school as a student. Unlike my epiphany about not being shy anymore, my confidence gradually evolved. There was never a light bulb moment where I thought, “Oh, I’m confident!” These days, my confidence allows me to write and present a mini retreat at our church. I’m currently working on my fourth one. I have absolutely no problem talking to large groups of people. My only regret is never teaching at the college level. There were a couple of times I was approached to teach a college level class, but they always fell through. And, let me tell you, teachers are the hardest people to teach. They don’t want to quiet down. They don’t want to work in groups, and they don’t want to completely want to believe you! But, trust me, I would give it my best shot!
Wrap it up, Marsha!
You would think, as a blogger who is constantly putting herself out there, I’d have found this easy to write. For some reason, I just couldn’t nail it down until I’d written and rewritten and rewritten. I even asked Nigel if he thought I was confident. He said, “Absolutely!” The man, apparently, knows me better than I do. And, isn’t it funny, I always come back to school? So, can we talk? Do you find yourself to be a confident person? Or, are you someone who’d be a part of the crowd rather than the person speaking to the crowd? Have you ever equated confidence with shyness? How about confidence and assertiveness? Please leave me a comment or two, and we can talk. I promise to respond as soon as possible.
Thank you!
I want to thank all of you from the bottom of my heart for reading, commenting, subscribing or emailing! It truly means so much to me! If you’d like to follow me on Instagram, you can find me here.
Where you can find me:
Linking up with Nancy’s Fashion Style, Fine-Whatever, Is This Mutton, Shelbee on the Edge, Chez Mireile, Suzy Turner, and Away from the Blue as well as Deb’s World and A Fresh Cup of Coffee. I also link up with This Blonde’s Shopping Bag, Doused in Pink, I do deClaire, Mummabstylish, Style Splash and Elegantly Dressed and Stylish as well as the Senior Salon Pit Stop (Esme’s Salon) and Slices of Life. Please check out these wonderful ladies and their blogs! I also am a co-host for Ageless Style on the third Thursday of the month and Songful Style on the last Monday of the month. I co-host Traffic Jam Weekend every Thursday with Melynda, Lisa, and Sue. I also host Final Fridays on the last Friday of the month as well as 10 on the 10th on the 10th of the month! I do hope you’ll check out all of these blogs and link parties!
What others are saying…
Suzy “writes about her journey with confidence, sharing how simple lessons learned as a teen—like the power of walking tall—sparked a path toward self-assurance. From dancing her heart out at parties to finding confidence in front of the camera later in life, Suzy reflects on her own growth, amusing moments, and helpful tips for those days when confidence feels elusive.”
Mary Katherine is taking a break this month and next.
Penny says, “Confidence is an elusive thing for Penny, it’s there and then in a flash, it’s gone. But it does reappear again. Capturing and keeping hold of this thing called confidence is going to be a major target over the next few years.”
Gail from Is This Mutton “Gail is a shy introvert, but over the years she has taught herself number of tricks to be confident.”
Anne mustered the confidence to pose nude at age 68!.
Debbie “Debbie likens confidence to boldness and reminisces about her YEAR of being BOLD. Confidence is something she never thought she had a lot of but perhaps she was wrong!”
Leslie writes, “Leslie has chased confidence all her life. Has she ever caught it? Stop by to find out.”
Rosie “taken a fun approach to this subject with a little personality quiz!”
And, now, it’s your turn!
If you’d like to link up your Personal Style posts, you may link up here or at Gail’s or Debbie’s blogs!
It was interesting seeing your journey to become a teacher. I had no trouble finding a high school Spanish teacher job but I remember the elementary jobs were harder to come by. Subbing was a great way to get established and make connections. I never had to sub. Or, I never got to sub. I did sub for my mom for a week in college. My mom had a twisted ankle or something and I was her for a week of my college spring break I think.
I am pretty confident and I owe it all to my Dad. I was first born, Type A, high achieving and my Dad was so proud of me and was definitely a words of affirmation person.
I have had to grow a thicker skin as a high school teacher because it can be rough. I act tough but I am sensitive to criticism sometimes.
I actually wanted to be a high school English teacher at first. But, the counselor at the college told me those were a dime a dozen. He neglected to say the same was true of elementary teachers. I was really lucky to know people…that’s not to say I didn’t have the chops to teach because I did. I am definitely a Type A, but I’m a second born. My oldest sister, though, is five years older than me so I kinda think of myself as a second first born. I was salutatorian of my class only because I got a B+ in glee club my Freshman year. I got straight As in everything else. Our high school had laning, and all my classes were top lane. Those would probably be college prep these days. So I was definitely high achieving. I was just stupid at times…like not going to college right out of high school. But, that’s a whole nother story!
Thanks, Amy!
Teaching is such a great skill to have, the classroom can be a tough place, but everyone remembers an inspiring teacher.
Thanks, Rosie! I loved teaching and still miss it. Oh, I can name every single one of my teachers, especially the inspiring ones. I was very lucky in that I had lots of them.
To do what you’ve done in your life so far, Marsha, takes a whole lot of confidence and from what I can see, you’ve got it in spades!! I could never have talked to a big group of people and the idea of standing in front of 25 KIDS, makes me want to go and cower under a table!!!! You’re amazing, my friend! Amazing!!
Big hugs
Suzy xx
Thank you so much, Suzy! I do believe my confidence began when I began teaching and has only continued to grow. I’m still not going to be the person who enters into a conversation already going on, but if I’m asked to join one, I will. As for teaching, I just looked at it as being on stage…I was the actor, and they were my audience! I’m not kidding. When the bell rang, the kids came in, and, baby, I was ON! It’s just a part of my DNA, I think.
That’s so cool, Marsha!! You’re a rock star!!!
xxx
Hahaha…I don’t know about a rock star. My students would beg me not to sing and just laughed when I tried to dance. Eh, they were fourth graders…what do they know? I had a blast as a teacher, though!
Oh my goodness – I may have chuckled loudly when I read your words, “And, let me tell you, teachers are the hardest people to teach. They don’t want to quiet down.” I teach a large (40-50 people) adult Sunday School class in our church. We have several retired teachers in our group. They will talk through a lesson! I have often wondered about it because they have to know what that feels like . . .so I wonder why they would do it!!
Hahaha!!! They really are the worst, aren’t they? I would try to hush the other teachers around me because I wanted to hear the speakers. Another thing is that it’s very hard to teach teachers in your building! They don’t want to believe you know something they don’t!
Thanks, Lisa! I’m glad I gave you a chuckle!
It’s such a fabulous example of how we can change our “personality”. Sure, you could have continued to be shy which was felt right to you, but you pushed yourself out of your comfort zone and look how it’s been so fabulous for you.
XOOX
Jodie
Thanks, Jodie! I honestly can remember exactly where I was and what time of day it was when I made that decision. It’s as clear as if it had only happened yesterday. In fact, I think I was wearing a striped tee…though that isn’t really a hard call! I have been out of that comfort zone for years now, but my shyness does prevent me from just going up to a group of people and trying to talk with them. I think it’s part of that impostor complex or something like that.
What a fascinating story of your teaching life. And good for you going to college with 3 kids – amazing. I too went to university (as we call it) and graduated at 40 with two young kids at home! Yes, fascinating, and well done you as it sounds as though you were a really dedicated teacher. And you conquered your shyness – hats off to you Marsha!
Thank you, Penny! Kudos to you, too, my friend. You have accomplished so much more than I can hope to! But, I do appreciate your kind words. I absolutely loved teaching and have often considered subbing, but I don’t like to get up early any more!
I was shy as a child, teenager and adult. I would and still do like to be part of a crowd rather than in front of it. Dance in the middle of a crowd ( where hopefully no one would notice me) rather than on the edge.
When I was in my late 40’s I saw a job advertisement to train to become a Prison Officer, I was told by several people that I wouldn’t get through the interview – I did or the training – I did. The training for this job really did test my confidence and taught me a lot about myself. I worked in the female estate for 6 years and left due to illness bought on by stress. I went on to work in a school supporting students with challenging behaviour and who were at risk of being excluded temporarily or permanent. Again this job tested my confidence as I had to speak at meetings with other professionals which I found so difficult.
I admire you Marsha and anyone who can get up and speak in front of a group of people. I would be a quivering wreck.
Thank you so much for your comment, Linda! It’s funny you feel comfortable dancing which is something I would never do…I just can’t dance and would feel like such a fool. I did take early retirement from teaching as I was under so much stress from the toxic atmosphere in that building. I regretted it almost immediately and definitely a couple of years later when both of the people causing the toxicity were gone! I don’t know why speaking in front of others doesn’t bother me. There was definitely a time when it did. Maybe it’s because I’m older now…not necessarily wiser, though! Thanks again for commenting and coming by!
It’s interesting – is confidence the learned skill or is shyness? I think confidence can def be learned. It’s just learning how to shut out the head noise and focus on the task at hand (Augusten Burroughs taught me that.) It does indeed work….Great work on the teaching too!
Hmmm…I think shyness is inherent. You can act shy and not be. But, if you’re really shy, you have to act not to be seen as such. I agree with you that confidence can be learned. That is a really wonderful way to think about it. I think that’s what I do when I’m doing any kind of public speaking. I’m confident in what I’m going to talk about and that helps.
Thanks, Lydia!
Hi Marsha, you certainly found your calling and with that your confidence. I think if we have a passion for something we overcome hurdles, including self-confidence. I didn’t really find my confidence until I turned 60 would you believe! Now I host my podcast and take group fitness classes. It is a long way from the shy person I used to be. You’ve done a wonderful job and such good news about Nigel. Take care, my friend. Sue L xx
Thanks, Sue! I’m not sure I’d equate teaching with running such a wonderful podcast, but thank you for the compliment! It’s so strange to me to read the blogs and comments to discover we are all dealing with this shyness. Do you think having a blog is one way of escaping that shyness? Just a thought because it has been said over and over.
Hi, Marsha – I was painfully shy as a little girl. When I left grade school, I decided to stop being shy, similar to you. In junior high, I was put into the accelerated class of 30 of the brightest students. So it separated us from the rest of the students who rotated classes and met lots of people. I had to bring home all the books in my locker every evening and study all the time. So when I started high school, I decided that as long as I got a B average and no less, I would join groups and go out more. That ended up getting me a Campus Life Scholarship to a college that was looking for students who had both good grades and extracurricular involvement. Now, many who know me tell me that I seem to be very confident. That surprises me because I don’t feel that. But upon reflecting about it, I realize I don’t have qualms about doing anything. Thank you for sharing this very thoughtful life review! – Angie, http://www.yourtrueselfblog.com
Thank you, Angie! Wow! Your school system surely did you a great service by putting you into an accelerated group. I’m sure that prepared you for so many things you didn’t even realize. I wish I had joined more groups in high school, but few interested me. My kids were all involved in Campus Life, and that’s how my daughter met her husband! I didn’t realize they had scholarships. I think your reflection about not being afraid to do anything definitely shows confidence! I’m so glad you shared this.
Not only is it a amazing story about how you growed your confidence, which is a hard and long road! But how you became a teacher. And what kind of teacher! I think it’s amazing that you became a teacher after you had your kids. And a teacher that made a difference! I wished I had one when I was a child.
Thank you, Nancy! I was stupid and decided to get married right out of high school…like two weeks out of high school! I honestly had no idea there were at least three colleges within 20 miles of my house. The guidance counselors at my school were terrible and gave me no advice when I’d make an appointment to ask what they thought I should do with my life. They just said, with my grades, I could do anything…lotta good that is! But, I do think having the kids first made me a better teacher…more patient and understanding.
You’re right, we are very alike ! We were both determined to reach our goals, and confident we had the ability, but hampered by shyness which we both worked around. I’m not sure I’m shy these days because when I go to Meetups I enjoy chatting to new people, although they’re small groups which makes it easier. I still don’t project well in big groups. Enjoyed your post!
Thank you, Gail! I don’t mind the big groups at all. But, I’m so bad at small talk especially if it’s people I don’t know. I’m definitely still shy because I have to force myself to go to things at times.
This was a great inisght into your life Marsha and I loved reading it! We are alike in some ways too, as I used to be quite shy as a teenager but I think I had an inner confidence hiding inside me! I also had three children at home when I went to university to become an adult educator but I was 40 and they were all teenagers. They hassled me to do assignments and locked me in the study until I was done! It’s a great achievement and you should be so proud of your teaching career and how you’ve overcome your shyness. I still don’t like talking to large groups but have become better at it. As Rotary President (twice) I have become more confident of my abilities. I really love these Tell us About prompts as we learn so much about each other. Great post and well done!!!
And thanks too for the Nigel update as I’ve been thinking about you and sending positive thoughts xx
Thanks, Debbie! I had to laugh at the thought of your kids locking you in the study until you’d done your assignments! I’m not sure my kids noticed both Mike and I were in college when they were little. They did all know we expected them to go to college so maybe they did. I think my confidence truly came from all my years of teaching and dealing with different situations that arose then. I really do love these Tell Us About prompts, too. It’s amazing to read about the lives others have lived…some of them are things I’ve never even imagined!
Thank you so much for the positive thoughts. I’m so hopeful that December’s appointment will be a really positive one with the surgeon. He’s not a rah-rah kinda doctor so any kind of positive reaction will be a good thing!
Confidence is something that many of us don’t naturally have. But look at all that you have done!! Congratulations
Thank you so much, Ratnamurti! I don’t naturally have the confidence, but I definitely “grew” it! I appreciate your kind words!
Your students were so lucky to have you as a teacher. Even not having ever met you, I can tell just what sort of teacher you were, the kind and caring and enthusiastic kind. And this! ” I made it my goal to educate the principal as well as the general ed teachers about our students and how we were going to help that child succeed. ” My heart!
As for confidence – hmm. I think I am a pretty confident person actually, although I am naturally introverted, about most things. There are things I do have some self-doubt about, but generally I am fairly confident. And lol. I just asked Billy if I was confident as a person and this is exactly what he said to me too – that I was confident in some things and not in others. Lol.
Thanks, Erin! I was adamant that those students weren’t mine…they were ours! We were all responsible for their success. I was just their to collaborate and to hone in on skills they were missing. I did have a couple of kiddos that this certain teacher just refused to teach so I would take them for their reading block. I’m proud to say I did teach them to read at grade level. One even went on to graduate from college with a business degree! Let’s just say I was not always popular with the gen ed teachers! They truly didn’t understand what Learning Disabilities were nor did they understand students with Mild Mental Handicaps (I don’t know the current lingo). And, one actually referred to our students with Down Syndrome as mongoloid! I was appalled, but he was pals with the principal. And, then he got mad when I didn’t put those students in his classroom. I actually got called into a meeting with his grade level and the principal to defend myself. Luckily, one of them was a good friend and warned me so I went in prepared. I was so mad, I was shaking. But, I kept it together long enough to tell him I thought I was doing him a favor as he didn’t like working with MY students and me! Boy, did he back down then! I guess you could say I was really passionate about teaching. I really, really loved teaching and my students (well, most of them). I am friends with many on Facebook, and it’s so much fun to see them grown up with families of their own now.
Isn’t it funny how well our husbands know us and don’t at the same time? I am confident almost all the time, but I’m also so shy. I definitely am an extroverted introvert, though!
Thanks, Erin, for your kind words!
Isn’t teaching a test for your self-confidence? I felt like I was on stage all day every day in the library. It was draining and exhausting. And like you said, trying to keep the little darlings’ attention while teaching them all the things!! Whew!!
I am certain you were an excellent, caring, engaging teacher and confident about the job you were doing. I didn’t remember that you taught Sped for so long. Meetings with parents about their Sped children can be very difficult, I am sure. To have handled those meetings, those parents is a real tribute to your ability and confidence.
Glad you made it back to fourth grade eventually. In Texas, there is great emphasis on writing in fourth grade. I always thought I might have liked being a fourth (or second grade) classroom teacher. I know you touched so many lives.
I have always said that I am soooo shy and people laugh at me when I say that. I can ‘force’ myself to be outgoing for a short period of time but it wears me out. So much happier at home, or ‘back’ stage and not in the limelight.
Hmmm…I actually felt really energized during the day. But, at the end of the day, it did take quite a bit of time for me to decompress. My bestie would come over, or I would go to her room, and we would laugh (or cry) about what had happened during our day. Because of my Sped background, I got a lot of the kids with IEPs. But, my bestie also had that background, so she did, too. We would collaborate a lot on what to do with them…usually over pizza and diet cokes! I actually loved the ACRs because, most of the time, it was the only time I met with the parents in person. I spent lots of time telling them what their child could do, and then we would move to the deficits. My principal hated my conferences because they lasted hours. After I moved to fourth grade, the Resource teachers after me would have 30 minute meetings. By that time, they could have the paperwork already prepared, and then, in the later years, they were even computerized. We definitely spent hours on creative writing. That was a huge emphasis in our corp for many years. My friend now tells me it’s fallen to the bottom of the heap. You know how education is on a pendulum!
You have hit it on the head…that’s exactly what being shy is. You force yourself to do things and then are just exhausted when you get home.
Thanks, Leslie!