Global writing challenge…
It’s time for another Global Writing Challenge prompt. Our current membership consists of MK’s Adventures in Style, Deb’s World, Women Over 50 Living Well, Suzy Turner, Once Upon a Time Happily Ever After, Rosie Amber, and me. You may have noticed this is a week earlier. We decided to make the change as the third Thursday is a busy time for some of us. MK chose this month’s theme. This is one of my favorite posts to write and to read! On top of the wonderfully different opinions and thoughts, the writing itself is wonderful! I hope you’ll visit all of these blogs because you are going to be amazed at, not only the diversity of the ideas, but the stories of each person. There’s also a link party at the end of this post!
If you want to participate…
If you’d like to join in, we post on the second Thursday of the month. Next month, however, we are moving to the second Thursday of the month. Many of us have conflicts with the third one. You can link up with me or any of the other bloggers. Here are the first few prompts of the year:
- April: Seasonal Changes
- May: Thursdays
- June: Summer/Winter (depending on where you live)
- Supernatural
A little history…
I’m pretty sure I’ve written Nigel’s and my love story before this. I’ll make it brief (hahaha). I lived in a very large neighborhood, and my best neighborhood friend’s house was two doors down from ours. Her youngest brother ran around with Nigel when they got into high school and beyond. I was often at my friend’s house when Nigel would be there, but I was five years younger than he was so he didn’t pay any attention to me. I, however, had those big heart eyes for him! Both of them were car nerds and would often work on their cars in Ron’s front yard. This was probably when I was 12 or 13, give or take a year. I would often gaze longingly out my bedroom window as the two of them worked on their cars. When I was about 15, I had made a comment, overheard by my friend’s middle brother, Bill, that I would like to date Nigel. Well, as you can guess, Bill told Nigel, and all had a really good chuckle at that! I was the bratty kid that ran around with Ron and Bill’s little sister. Some time after that, Ron got married, and Nigel was Best Man. We went to the reception because the wedding was a small affair. Nigel saw me there…and…long story just a bit shorter…developed those heart eyes, too! We started dating in May, 1973 and have been together ever since.
High school…
Here’s the part where I would have definitely benefited from some true guidance as I made some choices that were probably not good for me, but I wouldn’t rewrite my history even if I could. I was always a good student, and if I hadn’t taken that daggone choir class as a freshman, I would have graduated as a co-Valedictorian. Due to the way they calculated those things, I was the sole Salutatorian. As such, I’m sure I could have gotten lots of scholarships to college. When I would make appointments with my guidance counselor, her only advice to me was I could do anything I wanted with the grades I had. Now, deep down inside I always knew I wanted to be a teacher, but at absolutely no point did the guidance counselor say, “Hey, want to take an aptitude test?” or “How about we look at colleges you could consider?” I had a very isolated childhood (though it was a fabulous one). I had no idea there were several colleges and/or universities within two to three hours from me. My dad had died by this time so I may have even qualified for additional financial aid. I don’t know because I knew I didn’t have the money to attend any college, or, at least, I didn’t think I did. My mom was always of the mindset that what she did for one kid, that’s what she did for the others (except my baby sister…who got lots). I also had had a teacher tell me with my brain power I HAD to go to college. That turned me off…of course, I doubt he knew my prefrontal cortex hadn’t fully formed so I wasn’t really capable of making good decisions. So, I did what every rebellious teen did…I got married about two weeks after graduating from high school. Yep, I was 18 and a wife. But, contrary to what my less than lovable uncle said, I was not pregnant!
Those first years…
I worked for almost four years at an insurance company, slowly rising through the ranks to a very small supervisory role. I had my first baby in 1980 who will, ironically, be the same age my dad was when he died. Nigel and I had already decided I would stay at home with our children. We had our daughter two years later, and the youngest son 16 months later. Nigel had completed some college before we got married, but he decided to pursue his degree when our oldest was about a year old. His bachelor’s degree would take him nine years to finish, all while working full-time. It was hard for him, but I think it may have been harder on me and the kids. If he was at home, he was always studying. For several of those years, we had one car. Luckily, we lived in town so we could walk anywhere we wanted to go. It was just tough to be all things to three little ones.
Starting…
When our youngest was approaching his first birthday, I mentioned to Nigel I was ready to start college. I wanted to be a teacher. I am not kidding you when I tell you I don’t even remember registering for classes…that’s how fast he got me to the college! I started in January 1985 and took two classes, Sociology and Honors Composition. The first class began at 7:30, and the college, Indiana University/Purdue University-Fort Wayne (IPFW) was about a 30-40 minute drive. Parking wasn’t a big deal at that time because no one in their right mind wanted to be at class that early! So, I had a one-year-old, a two year old, and a four year old at the time I started. Of course, the first thing I had to do was find a babysitter. Luckily, we had made friends with a couple (Nigel worked with the husband), and the wife said she would babysit for me. At the time, she had two little ones about the same age as my two oldest kids. I’m not sure she knew what she was letting herself in for!
Classes…
It took me about five years to complete my degree. I worked around the kids’ schedules, always making sure I was there for important things in their lives. We had sooooo many babysitters over those years. It became a bit easier when the older two were in school; then my mother-in-law watched our youngest. I graduated with a 3.94 grade point average out of a possible 4.0. I blame Nigel for that! I majored in Elementary Education with a minor in math education. That meant I had to take a number of math courses, but they weren’t necessarily for education majors. When I had to take finite math, one of the professors was one Nigel had had. He loved him. He was a quirky (and we know I love quirky) guy from England who would wander into class with a scarf tossed round his neck. He had the most beguiling accent and wrote with his hand all curled around the chalk. He was old-fashioned, I guess, because he loved the blackboard. Nigel insisted this dude could make anything easy. That is not true. To this day, I still don’t understand combinations and permutations. I love a Venn diagram; I really do! But, this guy’s Venn diagrams would make Venn’s mom cry (was Venn a real guy). I ended up with a B+ in that class which rather demoralized me. And, then there was astronomy. Oh.My.Goodness! I sat in the front row. I took copious notes. I met with the professor during his office hours. I studied and studied and studied. I got a B+ in that class, too, only because I was a good guesser! Honestly, the professor would laugh at the puzzled look on my face. And, you know what? It didn’t bother me a bit. He knew, and I knew I was trying my best, and I just didn’t get it.
A little more…
As I said, my one of my first two classes was Honors Composition. There were eight of us in that class, and I loved it. I had never been taught about audience, voice, or anything like that. In fact, when I was in high school, I only had one class (also Honors Comp) in which we had to turn in drafts. I always thought I needed to get it perfect the first time. That’s why writing was so agonizing for me. It was truly blood, sweat, tears, and lots of cursy words! Of course, this was all pre-computer! So, those pieces were all typed with lots of that white correction tape used! It was terrible when we’d have to submit multiple copies of drafts, too! I think I was what would be considered a junior before we got our first Apple computer. The joys of word processing are immense, right? When I was a junior, I had to take a second composition class. This one was different from my Honors Comp class in that we did peer reviews of our work. Now, this part bothers me because it sounds boastful. My peer critiques were always full of praise and “don’t change a thing.” I turned in my first paper and got a C-! I had never gotten a grade like that in my life. When I talked to the instructor, she told me I didn’t have a purpose. I was just writing words that did nothing to further my point. They were good words, but good words didn’t a good paper make. I was infuriated. After I calmed down, I realized this woman really had something to teach me, and I got As on the rest of the papers for that class. She probably did more for me with that C- than any of my other teachers combined.
Still more…
During my third year or so, I had an appendicitis attack and had to have emergency surgery. That occurred on a Friday, I think. I was back at school by Thursday…pale and shaking, but I had it in my head that I couldn’t afford to miss classes. Nigel had another math professor who decided to add computer education to his repertoire. Again, Nigel recommended him, and he was the sweetest man when I had my surgery. He told me not to worry about making up class and to come back when I was ready. My special education instructor’s comment? “How soon can you make up the test you missed?” One would think the spec ed teacher would be a little more compassionate than the math professor, right? Funny story about that math prof…Nigel had him for Calculus 2. He had a very dry sense of humor. When someone asked him to write number 3 on the board, he promptly wrote the numeral 3 on the board rather than working out the problem as the student intended. Another thing he did was to tell the class they could take an index card into the final (I forget the size). It could have anything on it they wanted, front and back. During classes, he would casually say, “Now, if I were going to take a final, I’d note this down.” Nigel’s handwriting on that card was so small! Anytime, Dr. Mansfield said that, Nigel wrote it down. He ended up with a B or B+ on the final…solely because of that index card!
Success…
Gosh, I could go on and on about my college years. They certainly weren’t traditional. The good thing about IPFW was that it was a commuter college so many of the students were non-traditional like me. I could always pick out the ones whose parents were paying for their classes. They were the ones in the back of the class, goofing off and making fun of other students or professors. I was honestly so fortunate to have IPFW there because I could afford it. There were two other colleges that were about the same driving distance, but they were private colleges. I never took the SAT so my scores wouldn’t have helped with financial aid. Because so many years had passed from high school graduation to beginning college, I didn’t have to take it ever. I, of course, had to take placement tests. The other thing I didn’t get was financial aid of any kind. Nigel and I always joked we went to school on the VISA plan. We would charge the semester’s fees on our VISA card and hope to pay it off before the next semester started. We both finished debt free!
Finally…
At the time, I didn’t really think of reinventing myself when I decided to start college. I just knew I wanted to be a teacher, and I also knew it was time to start that quest. I always put my kids first which made for some early mornings and late nights. I had to take classes on Saturdays and late-night Fridays. I was lucky to always find good babysitters for my kids, too. I started college as a wife and mom and came out an educator!
Wrap it up, Marsha!
Gosh, I really didn’t know exactly how this was going to go! I’m not really sure if it accomplished what I wanted. But, I did reinvent myself. I really felt as though I wasn’t valuable in society. In fact, I’d gotten a phone call from some company. The person at the other end asked my profession. I told them I was a mom. They then said, “Is that all you do?” I told them I was a student, too. They were thrilled to be able to put that down as an answer. I loved teaching with almost every inch of my body, but I love being a mother with absolutely every molecule of my body. We need to raise up women in every walk of life because we are always reinventing ourselves, right? So, can we talk? What kind of advice did you get from high school counselors? Do you have an untraditional story of any kind? What is your reinvention story(ies)? Please leave me a comment or two, and we can talk. I promise to respond as soon as possible.
Thank you!
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Where you can find me:
Linking up with Nancy’s Fashion Style, Fine-Whatever, Is This Mutton, Shelbee on the Edge, Chez Mireile, Suzy Turner, and Away from the Blue as well as Deb’s World and A Fresh Cup of Coffee. I also link up with This Blonde’s Shopping Bag, Doused in Pink, I do deClaire, Mummabstylish, Style Splash and Elegantly Dressed and Stylish as well as the Senior Salon Pit Stop (Esme’s Salon) and Slices of Life. Please check out these wonderful ladies and their blogs! I also am a co-host for Ageless Style on the third Thursday of the month and Songful Style on the last Monday of the month. I co-host Traffic Jam Weekend every Thursday with Melynda, Lisa, and Sue. I also host Final Fridays on the last Friday of the month as well as 10 on the 10th on the 10th of the month! I do hope you’ll check out all of these blogs and link parties!
What others are saying…
Suzy “discusses the power of reinvention, sharing how moving to Portugal, embracing yoga and spirituality at 40, and evolving her style have shaped her journey. She explains that reinvention is about becoming more yourself, not someone new, and encourages embracing change with confidence as you step into the next chapter.”
Mary Katherine is down with the flu right now and isn’t participating. I do hope she writes a post about what she had planned because curious minds want to know, mainly mine!
Sue “ponders Reinvention After 50 – Becoming more ‘You’, Not Someone New.”
Debbie: “Debbie’s take on the prompt this month is a creative story about blogging, set in a futuristic world.”
Leslie “examines times when she has had to reinvent or rethink who she is.”
Rosie “Rosie talks about how she has applied re-invention to her garden.”
And, now, it’s your turn!
If you’d like to link up your Personal Style posts, you may link up here or at any of the other blogs!
We don’t have high school counselors here in my time. I don’t know if schools have any on site now. There are offers for internships now to get an idea. I had absolutely no idea what I wanted to be except that I wanted it to be something with books and I actually ended up where I am because a friend asked me if I didn’t want to apply at the same library as her, so she wouldn’t have to go to the test by herself. So we both applied – the idea of training at an academic instead of a public library and getting money for it sounded great for a kid from a big family without big money (the whole set-up has changed completely not that long after I did my library training/school, so that was lucky) – and I got taken on for training, she didn’t. There are more stories like that throughout my life.
So I don’t feel I ever really re-invented myself, I’m more of a boat on the waves and deal with things I encounter on that trip as best I can while I’m not ambitious enough to push and push things.
Thank you for sharing your story, Marsha, and kudos to you for pulling that through!
Thanks, Cat! I think I would have made a terrible librarian as I would have found a book, a cozy corner, and disappeared for the day. Your training was probably so much better for being hands on and paid at the same time! I love that you are a boat on waves. I feel that way a lot of the time. As long as we don’t hit icebergs, we shall be grand!
Being at the branch of a university library with natural sciences, technology, etc., I never had that problem at all, Marsha 😉 Not exactly what I’d want to take to a cozy corner!
Oh, I could see that! I wouldn’t have a clue what I was reading, either!
Oh gosh education! I loved my tiny village primary school, as we had inspiring teachers. I found secondary school harder facing subjects that mum and dad couldn’t help with as much. Sixth form (for A levels) was two years of spent mostly in ‘shock’ exposed to so many ‘new to me kids and experience’ in an educational race against the clock. My history teacher told my mum that I wasn’t university worthy and that was the whole aim of the college. BUT I did go on to further education and came out with a degree from a lesser polytechnic. It took me a couple of years (out of the four, spent there) for me to begin to thrive, but I did it! This led to a job and lifelong friendships. I have just been to Wales to see 2 pals that I met at that college 38 years ago.
You know what? My husband had the same thing happen to him. He was told he wasn’t college material and made the Dean’s List (has to do with grades) several times…all while working full-time! It’s terrible that people who should know better say such things. I’m glad you were able to find a place you liked and could thrive. And, a lifelong friendship is a powerful thing!
Thanks, Rosie, for coming by!
Such a lovely story to read. Your passion is feelable, is that a word? You and Nigel must have had so little time for each other! And at what point did Nigel see you as the love of his life instead of the neighbourhood girl?
Thank you, Nancy! We really were like ships in the night for a few years. He actually saw me as the love of his life the day of the reception, I think. What I left out was that our first date was one week later…if he wasn’t in love the first day he really looked at me, he was that night! And, he still tells me I’m gorgeous even with my hair all wild, unwashed, and no makeup!
What I love most in this, is that your husband, when you said you wanted to go to college, didn’t talk you out of it, didn’t dismiss it cos you had children, he was supportive of your desire and need/want. And I guess that is why you are still married as he didn’t stop seeing you as a person, and both of you as a team. There seems to be a trend at the moment that women, once married, are sort of servants to the man and nanny to the kids (in that she stops being an individual person beyond her roles.) As you say, you love being a mum most of all, and a wife, but it doesn’t stop there.
I love the C- story. There’s truth in us learning from our failures, more than our success. Great post #TellUsAbout
Thanks, Lydia! I really am not kidding when I tell you I don’t remember registering for classes at all. He may have gone with me. Those were the days when you had to use a paper booklet with classes listed in it, then complete punch cards, and hope the class wasn’t full. If it was, you started all over again! In those first years of college, I was the main person for the kids as he was working full-time and sometimes going to class four to five nights a week. It was really difficult, but we both ended up with degrees. The irritating thing was I went on to get my Masters Degree, and he made three times what I did teaching! Yes, that C- really woke me up after I got over being angry. As I mentioned to Jodie, I was more angry that I had gotten these excellent peer reviews which would make you think everything was fine. I think, if the instructor had then met with us to go over the peer reviews as well as her input, it would have been better. But, I honestly did learn so much from her about the art of writing. It was a very good class.
Good for you for asking about that C grade…because then you learned the why and made it better. That’s progress.
And great story,
XOOX
jodie
Thanks, Jodie! Oh, you better believe I was hot about that C. What bothered me most about it was the peer review part. If we had done the peer review, then met with her, then turned in a finished draft, that would have been different. I mean when everyone tells you it’s wonderful, you believe them, right? But, once I’d talked to her, I realized she was completely right, and it changed my writing. I try to do the same on the blog, but I’m pretty sure I’d get a C from her these days! She wouldn’t like the run-on sentences!
Hi, Marsha – Wow, this was like reading a mini novel! Lol. My life has been almost the opposite, but it’s a really long story like yours is. So I can’t get it all into this small comment box. Hahaha! I actually reinvented myself from a performing poet to a mom to a style blogger, with jobs in between. My university degree, career and artistic vocation went out the window with my years at home as a mom, but I’m glad I did it. After my kids grew up, I was surprised that I no longer wanted to write poetry and found myself obsessed with collecting the endless possibilities in combining outfits. I felt that I could spend every day exploring the art of style. An esoteric astrologer told me that I had worked in the world of style in a past life. Thanks for sharing your personal experience of reinvention – Angie, http://www.yourtrueselfblog.com
Thanks, Angie! Trust me, I could have gone on and on. I have so many stories about those college days. I sometimes feel/felt like I did my kids a disservice by being gone when they were so little. But, I had wonderful babysitters, and they were usually in preschool when I had class. I worked so hard to put their schedules first. I didn’t really mention that Mike was going to school at the time, too. So, the childcare responsibility fell on my shoulders. After I started teaching, they were in 2nd, 4th, and 6th grades. I got home about an hour after they did. It seemed to work beautifully, but I wonder what they would tell me about that time. After I retired early, I floundered for a bit before starting to blog. It’s been quite the adventure!
What a wonderful story of your life, Marsha and you continue to surprise me. You were determined and despite everything achieved your dream. It was wonderful that Mike supported your decision. I always wanted to be a teacher but my parents wondered why – ‘as you will only be getting married and having a family’. Alas, I went along with their ideas but later in life I’ve achieved other things that I’m proud of. Thanks so much for sharing your inspiring story with me. I need to get you onto my Podcast for an interview! Sue L xx
Thank you, Sue! I’m not sure how familiar you are with my late adolescence. My dad died when I was 16, and my mom kinda checked out on the family for a couple of years. I was the oldest so I was the one responsible for a lot in our family. I did the grocery shopping and lots of the cooking (maybe that’s why I dislike it so). I even did the laundry. My poor mom was just devastated, and this was something I could do. My older sister had gone to college and then gotten married. But, she paid her own way so I knew I wouldn’t get any financial help from my mom. And, like I said, the guidance counselor was pretty useless. Instead of guiding me to scholarships and such, she just told me I could do anything. She didn’t even encourage me to take the SAT! So, I had no encouragement of any kind. I do think my mom was relieved when I got married so early and left the house as we were cut from the same cloth and fought like cats and dogs. But, I also think being a mom made me a more compassionate and understanding teacher. I knew what kids were going through because my own were doing the same. Oh, my goodness! I’m not sure I have that much to say! You’d have to work hard for that interview!
From one educator to another… wow! I know that passion of wanting to teach and I’m guessing you were a great one! I’m so impressed with the ways in which you balanced life as a mom and wife with life as a student! Earlier this week, my blogging partner, Laurie, and I were talking about our early days as teachers – how did we ever do it all? I was getting my master’s degree, directing two choirs (children’s and youth choirs at church), teaching Sunday School, raising two daughters with a traveling husband and teaching full time! Some how we juggled it all, didn’t we?
Thank you so much, Laura! Oh, my gosh! Except for the directing choirs, that’s exactly what I did (well, I had two sons and one daughter). Now, I look back and wonder how I did it! And, the grading…ugh! I always told other people if I don’t assign it, I don’t have to grade it. So, I always made sure anything that was assigned was necessary. As far as balancing life as a mom and a student, I just scheduled around the kids and made it work. It wasn’t that hard then…well, it didn’t feel that way! I doubt I’d say that now!
This was such a fun post to read! I love how supportive Nigel was and that you both worked so hard to make it all work.
Weirdly my sons have had the opposite happen with peer reviews; their peers tell them things they need to change (I usually talked them out of it or pointed out where their peer was grammatically incorrect and not them) and they’d get an A on the paper– one time Ian’s teacher even used Ian’s paper as an example of what to do (after being told by 3 peers he wrong!).
Thanks, Joanne! He really wanted me to go to school and get any kind of degree. I just realized I don’t know if he ever knew how much I wanted to teach until I started going to college. It was more that my writing was good, but it wasn’t focused. So, my peers got caught up in the words and not the point. But, I’m sure glad your sons listened to you!
That’s amazing you were both nontraditional students and finished debt free! Kudos to you both!
Thanks, Laura! Mike was, indeed, a nontraditional student, but there were more people in his program doing the same thing. With me, I was definitely in the minority. Most of the students were right out of high school and probably didn’t go into teaching. This was back when there were so many more teachers than positions. That has drastically changed now!
This was such a great post Marsha, and again I’m reminded that we have had certain parallels in our lives so far. Marrying young, doing teacher training later in life, going on to be awesome teachers and having the support of our husbands and family along the way. I know for a fact none of it was easy but we did it and came out the other end to tell the tale! Well done my friend!
Thank you so much, Debbie! We truly are so much alike, aren’t we? I was so lucky to even get a teaching job when I graduated as there weren’t many jobs available. Now, schools here are crying for teachers. There are even programs where you teach to get the teaching degree.
It is wonderful that you had the courage to follow your dream and qualify to be a teacher . I can imagine how difficult it must have been at times with your very young family. Well done on Nigel for encouraging you to study . I can imagine what a wonderful teacher you were.
Thank you, Jill! At the time, I didn’t see it as difficult, but looking back, I do wonder how in the world I did it! Nigel was very keen on me getting a college degree once I’d told him what I wanted to do. I don’t think we’d ever really talked about it before then. I loved teaching. I am not kidding when I say the minute the kids came in the door, it was show time, and I was on!
WOW Marsha, you are such an inspiration! I’d have loved to have had you as my teacher! I enjoyed school and had a few teachers who were quite special, one was quite old at the time. I’m sure he must have passed away many years ago but for one class in the small college I attended, I was his only student! It was English Literature and was probably my favourite class ever; we discussed many things but he was the one who introduced me to Shakespeare. A Midsomer Night’s Dream, Anthony and Cleopatra, Romeo and Juliet were my favourites! I remember discussing cookery with him many times too lol. I’m sure he gave me a cookery book but I lost it years ago. Such a shame. He was a wonderful man, and I’m so embarrassed that I can’t even remember his name — although I’m pretty sure it was John (we were on face name bases at that college).
Hugs
Suzy xx
Aww, thanks, Suzy! I loved teaching because every day was a new experience! I really hope I made connections with some of my students. You were so fortunate to have had this teacher. I would have loved being in a really small class for literature because I love to talk about books. I’m always amazed at the meanings and themes and symbolism…all of that stuff! One of my favorite professors would never look you in the eye. He always stared at your neck which made me feel like I had a hickey or something!