There are no pictures today. No humor, no links, no hype. I may lose subscribers, but I have to write this. As many of you know, I was a teacher for many years. I retired in May 2012. I did not have to explain the shootings at Sandy Hook Elementary to my students because that didn’t happen until December 14, 2012.
But, Columbine had happened years before I retired. My students and I practiced lockdown drills. We turned off the lights, locked the door, huddled in a corner, and waited for the “All Clear” announcement. One time, a student, with fear, apprehension, and hope in their eyes, asked me, “Mrs. Banks, couldn’t they just shoot out the windows and come in that way?” What do you say to that? The entire upper west wall of my classroom was windows. What do you say to a child to calm their fears when you have absolutely no honest answer to give? What do you say to a child who believes you have the answers to everything? What do you say to a child when the same thought had occurred to you?
I have no idea how teachers returned to classrooms today and wrestled with these very questions. Did they practice their answers and how to keep the tears from falling? I have no idea how children returned to classrooms today. Did they worry they wouldn’t make it home? I have no idea how parents put their children on buses today. Did they hope to see them in the evening?
I wish I knew how to change the minds of the many who insist their Second Amendment rights are so much more valuable than the innocent lives of so many lost over the years. I wish I knew how to get legislators to worry more about school safety than re-election. I wish I knew how to comfort those who are grieving in a way I hope never to experience. I wish I knew how to ease the pain of the survivors as they ask, “Why not me?” I wish I knew how to heal this country.
I realize some of you who read my blog may think I am way off base writing this. But, I won’t apologize for my experiences, my grief, and my anger. We, as a country, must decide if our children are important. I’m not going to urge you to call or write anyone. I’m not going to insist guns are bad. I’m just going to ask you to take a moment to remember the lives of those we’ve lost to gun violence in schools since 1999…all 169 of them.
I get tears in my eyes reading your post. So very sad this is. I don’t know what to day, other then that I wish that there was a solution for this…… and praying for the families who lost a child this way….
Nancy, there is nothing to say. The people in charge know what the problem is. They just don’t want to anger the big money and actually do something about it. Instead, they’ll defund programs re: mental health and children. I cannot imagine what these families and this community are going through.
Thank you Marsha. This is THE most appropriate piece of writing you could post and today in honour of the dead I won’t read anything whatsoever about frocks or shoes. It’s awful. The poor innocent children, but sad to say it won’t be the last one. It’s also normal from outside the US to say why don’t you change the laws and restrict gun ownership – it’s easy. And yes, we did alter our laws after Dunblane (Scotland 1996) and before that Hungerford (1987) which I think are the only mass shootings we’ve had in the UK. Also guns are just not a thing here. There is gun ownership but it’s very small and you have to have a licence and really unless you live in a rural area and want to take potshots at birds (farmers) or are a shooting enthusiast (the posh boys) we don’t own guns, period. So it’s usual to say we don’t understand why this keeps happening. And here I have to step back as it’s not my country but sad to say it is up to American citizens to vote out the gun loving politicians and vote in some sanity. because it is insane that innocent children, and innocent and probably very scared teachers, are not safe in school.
My heart goes out to you all over the pond – in solidarity.
Thank you, Penny. That means a great deal to me. Every time I thought about writing a post, I just couldn’t fathom doing it. This was the right thing for me…other bloggers have done a magnificent job of commenting on their posts, too. The gun culture here is astounding to me. I didn’t know how many of my friends carried guns until recently. My children weren’t allowed to have toy guns even. Unfortunately, my state’s senators are strong allies of the gun lobbyists and will continue to be re-elected until they do something completely atrocious (though I don’t know what that would even be anymore) or die of old age.
Thank you again.
I do remember thinking those exact same things when doing lockdown drills with the students… what’s to stop them from coming in the windows? Or shooting the window out of the door and reaching in to unlock it? How can we keep kids safe in situations like that? My son had a girl that got so upset at the idea of an active shooter in the building that she not only cried during lockdown drills but threw up too. That is just too much fear in a place where all students should feel safe and loved and protected– after all that is a huge part of a teacher’s job and one I took very seriously.
I remember trying to stuff my 25+ fourth grade students into a corner and duck down from those windows. I would get panicky and tearful even when none of the students commented on what could happen because I knew what could happen. No one should have to worry about being safe in their workspace/learning space, and yet here we are.
Thanks, Joanne.
❤️
Thanks, my friend…
Just the fact that we have lockdown drills in this day and age says a lot about our society. Remember when we practiced tornado drills instead?
OXOX
Jodie
http://www.jtouchofstyle.com
Yes, schools are a microcosm of our society. I wish…I just wish…
Marsha, I am right there with you. All I feel is rage is that this has happened yet again. I don’t believe everyone has a right to a gun, when there is more than one mass shooting a day (most of which don’t make the news, because they are so common), proving that some people absolutely should not.
And I have black friends still reeling from last week’s mass hitting in Buffalo….
Michelle
https://mybijoulifeonline.com
Thank you, Michelle. I was researching the number of deaths. In order to be counted as a mass shooting, there have to be at least four people…I’m not sure if that means fatalities or just being shot. In any event, it is a stain on this country. And, we just don’t learn…not from Columbine, Sandy Hook, or any of the other school shootings. I don’t even want to start on the targeted shootings of black, brown, and queer people.
Thanks, Marsha. I share your views and feelings about this horrific event. Your post is appropriate for the day.
Thanks, Maggie. I struggled to write this, but I had to do it. I hope something better comes of it, but I’ve lost faith in the ones that can and should do something about it.
God bless you Marsha for writing this. I worry and fear every day for our grandchildren and all that work in the schools. This needs to stop and something has to be done, not just thoughts and prayers. We know the pain of losing a grandchild.
Thank you, Sue. It was a hard post to write…coming up with the right words to express what I’m feeling right now. I just keep seeing those little ones’ faces and their eyes…so full of the future. It’s just so wrong. Those idiots in Washington need to go…especially the ones on the right…they just don’t give a sh*t at all about anything but being re-elected and filling their pockets.
No need to apologize. And beyond all that you said, how ridiculous are those pointing to the designs of schools as the reason that schools are such an easy target as opposed to the availability of assault weapons being the true safety concern. Or the trama of active shoot drills vs the supposed harm of supporting gender identity choices.
Rena
http://www.finewhateverblog.com
Thank you, Rena. This cuts so hard for me because I taught fourth grade (which is the absolute best grade ever), and all of those faces are so like those I taught. You are so right on all of these points. The problem is politicians making decisions for things about which they know nothing or very little. If assault weapons (and who the hell needs assault weapons in this country) were banned, that would go part of the way. I’m just so very tired of that 2nd Amendment being trotted out to justify these mass murders. Thank you for your support. I so very much appreciate it.
Being an educator myself (speech therapist), and working in the schools for many years I completely understand where you are coming from. I wish we could all work together to stop the violence! It’s so scary. There need to be more restrictions on guns.
I didn’t know you were a speech therapist. Kudos to you! I was a special ed teacher in my early years and worked closely with the SLPs. I know my kiddos were scared, and that was over ten years ago. I cannot imagine what you, the students, and other teachers go through on a daily basis. I agree we need more restrictions, but not many would agree with us. Hugs, my friend…
I’m so glad you wrote this. You’re not off base. At ALL. We’re all entitled to share our feelings and emotions without fear of being bullied or unfollowed.
What I can’t understand is how OTHER countries are getting this right…and the US just CANNOT. At the very least, it’s embarrassing…and at the worst it’s dangerous. As we’ve seen time and time again.
xoxo
Bettye
https://fashionschlub.com
Thanks, Bettye. I, like you, just can’t understand it, either. The unfortunate thing is so many people now think they HAVE to carry a gun in order to be safe. I’ve been told the police near where I live even encourage it! I appreciate your comments.
Wow, this is a seriously powerful post, my friend. I am glad that you wrote it because these things need to be said and processed. And yes, I felt all those things sending my kids back to school. But I also don’t want to live in constant fear and I don’t want that for my children either. So sometimes, most times actually, I have to rely on faith alone.
Shelbee
Thank you, Shelbee. I will never, ever forget that student asking me about the windows…not in a million years. Nine year old kids should not have to worry about such things nor should any kid (or teacher for that matter). I know what you mean about the constant fear. We just have to go on with our lives, but this gun violence is senseless and could be slowed down at least.