Speaking from experience…
Last week, I mentioned I had gone to a women’s retreat but had to leave early. I was very lucky another woman had come and was only staying for the day. Once I saw her and realized the ramifications, I was so relieved. You’re probably wondering why, right? I didn’t double check!
Honesty…
Mental health has been in the news for the last several years in one form or another. One of the things I rarely seeing being discussed is anxiety or, for me, panic attacks. I have had panic attacks for almost my entire life, but I never knew what they were. I just knew they were awful and something to make my way through.
A little history…
Several years ago, I suffered from Restless Leg Syndrome and took medication for it. If you’ve ever had RLS, you know how it can suck the life right out of you. You can’t sleep, and you are constantly moving your legs. If you don’t, you feel like your skin is just crawling. My doctor prescribed a medication for it, and the RLS went away. Soon, I discovered a rather awful side effect. Every day, right around 6:00pm, I would start to get this feeling of intense hopelessness. So, I decided to cut back on my dosage with the idea of taking it every couple of days instead of every day.
A bit more…
A few days after beginning this weaning process, I had a really bad night. Nigel tried to hold my legs still, but that just made it worse. Eventually, he insisted we go to the ER. Of course, they thought I was having a heart attack. They soon realized I was in the midst of a panic attack and gave me an Ativan (I think). After observation, I was released with instructions to make an appointment with my doctor. I was able to see him the same day. He had additional blood tests taken, including a check on my iron levels. It turned out I was severely anemic. If you’ve ever been anemic, you know what happens when you take those nasty iron pills! Yeah, your poo has the color and consistency of tar! But, the RLS disappeared and has never returned.
Panic attacks…
Panic attacks can manifest in many different ways. My personal experience is usually the same set of “symptoms.” I feel a heightened sensation of things being beyond my control, sweating, restlessness, and a pounding heart. Many times, I am also nauseous and my thinking is quite disordered. My doctor prescribed a low dosage anti-anxiety medication. The thing I remember of those early days was the sheer exuberance of having that weight I’d never known existed being gone. When you have lived with something your entire life, you don’t realize it isn’t normal until it’s gone.
So, double checking…
One of the things I always do when we travel is to make extensive lists of what is needed. Medications are always on there. For the women’s retreat, I had prepared my meds, placed them in a bottle, and pulled out my Synthroid for my hypothyroidism (Hashimoto’s is the official diagnosis). I don’t put my Synthroid in with other medications. I thought I’d put both bottles in my purse so when I picked it up and gave it a shake, I heard the familiar rattle of pills. I didn’t double check to make sure there were two and not just one bottle of pills in there.
A bit more…
I had a horrific night trying to sleep. In my head, I knew it was OK because I’ve gone nights without my medication. Also, in my head, I think it was knowing my meds were hours away that created this particular nightmare. I did all of the things to ease the panic attacks, counting, deep breathing, visualizing. They would work until my brain intruded by reminding me I not only did not have my meds, but they were miles away. And I had another night to go. When morning finally came at 6:30 (which is very early for me), I faced it still shaky and exhausted. I told myself I could power through and make it for one more night. So, that morning, when my friend arrived, I saw a way out and calmed down quite a bit. I was able to enjoy that day knowing I could, if necessary, go home at the end of the day. When I explained what I was going through, this woman basically made the decision for me and said I was going home when she did. Thank you, L!
My outfit…
So many bloggers are showing their gorgeous fall blazers, but I don’t wear them. I have a difficult time getting them to fit my body. Jackets, however, are another animal. I bought this fabulous chenille swing jacket at J Jill over the weekend. Right now, they are having a Dress for Success event. For a limited time, if you take in a gently used item, you’ll receive $10 off any full priced item. This may only be in stores because I don’t see anything about it on the website. I was also able to use my birthday discount which made a noticeable dent in the price of the jacket. Swing jackets are my favorite kind of jacket. I will be wearing this on repeat for weeks! I wore this cute graphic tee from Old Navy to pull out some of the pinks. Even though heavily distressed jeans are no longer on trend, I don’t care. I tried them with the tee and jacket and thought they looked good. I hope you notice I even did a half tuck. Look at me…acting like a blogger!
The Lewk!
These Sofft Somers shoes look like they’re old, right? I think they’re maybe five or six years old. And, I have gotten my CPW down to pennies if not in the negative. They’re a rather nondescript color…maybe greige? For the longest time, I really disliked the white band around the bottom. Now, they are sufficiently grungy to not bother me anymore. But, I do need new insoles, or even better, a new pair! The little Westie brooche is from Talbots during a Christmas season a few years ago. I’m pretty sure it was billed as a Scottie, though. The necklace and earrings are from when Banana Republic did good costume jewelry at a decent price. Have you looked at their prices for jewelry lately? Wowza!
Wrap it up, Marsha!
I hope you didn’t find this post to be TMI! I have often felt a little less than when I admit to taking medication for my anxiety. It truly was eye opening to me those first days on medication when I realized I had no anxiety. That’s not to say I don’t have anxiety at all. Of course, I do, but it’s situational rather than chronic. So, can we talk? Are you good about packing and double checking to make sure you’ve got everything you need for a trip no matter how big or small? Have you ever left behind something you can’t just pick up at the convenience stores? Have you had experiences like mine…any of them? Please leave me a comment or two, and we can talk. I promise to respond as soon as possible.
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Thank you for bearing your soul Marsha. After hearing what you go through, it makes me think that my oldest son might get panic attacks. Not sure about this but will mention it to him. Glad you made the decision to go home. I am struggling with menopausal mood swings right now and have decided to finally get help. Hearing your story gives me reassurance that getting help is the right thing. Love the blazer and look!
https://www.kathrineeldridge.com
Thank you, Kathrine. I truly didn’t know whether or not to write this post, but I thought it was time to talk about it. I do hope you can get some help with the mood swings as well as all of the other things that come with menopause. Luckily, I don’t have that to deal with anymore. I hope you can talk with your son about the possibility of panic attacks. I’m not a doctor, obviously, but it truly was life changing when I found out that’s what I had been experiencing all those years.
I love the jacket. You look great in it!
I am definitely a list maker. I will even add something to a list just to be able to cross it off.
Some things added to my travel list due to past experiences:
Extra eyeglasses, Pepto-Bismol tablets, antihistamine, Bandades, heartburn medication, tissues, the list goes on. I know there are drugstores most anywhere you go, but I pack a little bit to get by until I can get to a store. My last trip I packed all of this stuff but forgot a hairbrush! Made it through with my little purse sized brush.
Thank you for the information about the RLS medication and side effects. I will mention to my brother who has both issues.
Take care.
Thank you, Elizabeth! I think this jacket will get lots of wear. I take along another pair of eyeglasses, too, because if mine broke, I would be lost! I hope my information can help your brother.
Putting this shirt with jeans is a really cool look. I always like your hair.
Please read my latest post at https://www.melodyjacob.com/2023/10/the-blessing-in-emergency.html
Thank you so much, Melody. That is so nice of you.
I think it’s great that you shared this story because SO many people struggle with anxiety and the more no one talks about it the more people often suffer alone or in silence. I’m not that great at packing; I have been known to go on vacation and have completely forgotten my pajamas before (twice!) but I try really hard to think of anything I might need and write it down then cross it off as it makes it into my bag. I do get paranoid coming home from a trip that I might forget to re-pack something… traveling in general tends to make me pretty anxious but once I get where I need to go I usually settle down and settle in and thankfully can usually just buy whatever I have forgotten. But I definitely stress out that something MIGHT happen while traveling and that throws my anxiety into high alert.
Thank you, Joanne. I’m usually very good at making sure we’ve got everything. I think it was because my thyroid pills were in my purse and rattled that I thought I was ok. Usually, I would have looked, but that dang rattling really messed me up. I pack from a list because, otherwise, I would forget something. I have lost two things in all our years of traveling…a belt and a curling iron. The belt was unique and I missed it. The curling iron was bad because we were going on to another destination. My hair just didn’t look so good!
I’m so sorry you went through this. I’ve heard many people talk about it and I think it’s good we share.
That jacket? OMG fabulous. I definitely see you wearing that a TON,
XOOX
Jodie
http://www.jtouchofstyle.com
Thank you, Jodie! I love the jacket and expect to wear it over and over again. Added bonus…it’s warm. I hadn’t really intended to write that much, but you know how you start to write and it all pours out!
I think you’re so brave for sharing your story, Marsha! And you should never feel less than for taking ANY medication that improves and/or restores your quality of life.
Loving this jacket, too, by the way- the colors are just gorgeous!
-Ashley
Le Stylo Rouge
Thank you, Ashley. I appreciate your kind words. And, I knew, as soon as I saw this jacket, I would be wearing it!
Love your jacket, the colour is very pretty! And you ARE a Blogger! Lol. I’m sorry to read that you are struggling with this anxiety. I have them sometimes but only for a few minutes. I know what to do about it, talking about what’s bothering me…… and breathing helps. Well you know what I mean……. but it’s the fear of fear isn’t it.
Thanks, Nancy! I AM a blogger…I just have to keep telling myself that. I wish mine would only last a few minutes. They do stop, but I have another one soon after if I don’t take my medicine.
I am so sorry to hear about your poor health especially panic attacks and Anemia. I get anxious easily too and it affects my overall health. I feel as if I am not able to breath properly or my heart is making that extra effort to pump oxygen. I have been having some odd pain in my Lower Left Quarter for months and it is not constant. It comes and goes and I mentioned it to my Doc who recommended going for CA125 test and other blood tests. Then I got to know that I have been severely anaemic and my vitamin B12 levels are low which means I am at a risk of Dimentia. I’m only 38 years old and my CA125 test results are not good(Doc suspected Ovarian Cancer so ordered a few tests). I have been to ER multiple times due to many symptoms and in between all this, my heart rate was fluctuating (I think it is to do with anxiety) so they did an ECG which came clear. Since July I had 2 CT scans ( KUB and Thorax abdo pelvis with contrast), an Ultrasound(Abdo & Vaginal) but doctors are not able to figure out why that pain is arising. They did found an adnexal cyst but they’re not worried about that. I have an Endoscopy planned for Saturday which I know will be uncomfortable and embarrassing. This is making me anxious again! All this feels like a viscous circle really! Oh, and I am taking Iron supplements too so I know what you mean.
Ashh | https://www.thatseptembermuse.com/christmas-gift-guide-for-home-lovers/
Oh, Ashh, you are going through so much. I am so sorry. It’s so difficult when you have test after test and nothing shows up. I do hope your endoscopy goes well. I’ve had two of them and found them easy to deal with. I wish you well.
I also often express inexplicable worries about things that may not happen in the future.
This kind of thinking is really unnecessary.
I hope you can be optimistic about your condition and live a happy and free life~ Also, the pink jacket is very cute~
cloisonne handbags
Thanks, Kristen! I am very optimistic about my anxiety and have it under control unless I forget my medication.
This jacket is adorable and I love the color! So good that they figured out your low iron levels. I think it is so important to be your own advocate or your family members advocate when it comes to medicine, finding the right dosage and what works for you. So many have side effects and I know that the wrong dosage or medicine for anxiety can really affect a person.
http://www.chezmireillefashiontravelmom.com
Thanks, Mireille. This is jacket has many of the colors I can wear. My doctor constantly checks my levels so I am confident in my dosages. I just forgot the doggone pills. But, you are right when it comes to having an advocate or advocating for yourself.
This jacket is utterly fabulous! And you really shine in it. I cannot get over how terrific you look. I love the jacket with this very casual outfit (the partial tuck on the graphic T looks good!) but I am sure you’ll find 100 ways to style it.
Panic attacks…I hear you. I don’t even want to get into it, but I hear you.
Thanks, Sally! Would you believe I just kept walking past this jacket thinking it wasn’t for me? Then, I tried it on, and I was in love! I think it really shows when I feel good in something, right?
It would appear we have even more in common than I thought.
Take care, Sally!
I’m so glad you were able to get home. You definitely wouldn’t have enjoyed yourself and been worried the whole time. I feel similarly about my migraine meds. Love your gorgeous jacket!
Thanks so much, Laura! I have a dear friend who suffers from migraines, and we always made sure she had them when we went on field trips. I do love this jacket and will wear it often!
This is such an important post – because I think as bloggers we owe it to people to be real and honest. It’s good to show how you feel as others won’t feel so alone. So sorry to hear you have had panic attacks which sound ghastly. I am always an anxious person but don’t have panic attacks. I do however have a few phobias and can’t sit in an audience for a theatre production as I feel very panicky then. But I can do films, even in sellout performances I can sit through the film and be ok. I do lists big-time!!!
The jacket is LOVELY on you and the whole outfit is great!
Thank you, Penny. I was afraid it would come off as “woe is me.” But, then I thought I’ve been honest about so many other things, and panic attacks/anxiety are so rarely mentioned when mental health is being discussed. It’s like they’re not quite as debilitating. I must admit I constantly scan theatres and other inside venues looking for exits as a routine thing these days. That’s not really a phobia though.
And, thank you for the compliments on the jacket. I’ve worn it several times and really like it.
I’m so sorry that you go through such horrible times, Marsha. I’ve had one panic attack in my life and it was so scary, I honestly thought I was going to die. Fortunately it’s never happened since…although the symptoms you described sound like something I experienced a number of times about seven years ago but I just it down to my hormones being out of whack? Perhaps they were some kind of panic attack, after all? Horrible, absolutely horrible! I’m also sorry you had such a bad bout of restless leg syndrome. I have experienced something vaguely similar which used to happen to me maybe twice a year. Luckily, I haven’t had it for a few years now!
I think it’s good to talk about all stuff on the blog, because you never know who it might help, right?
LOVE the swing jacket, is it like a velvet material? It’s gorgeous, especially the colour!
Big hugs
Suzy xx
Thanks, Suzy! The jacket is chenille, but you have to look very closely at it to tell. I do hope it wears well. It was so strange to discover what I’d been experiencing my entire life was a panic attack. Most weren’t as bad as the one when I ended up in the ER, but the “weight” of them was there all the time. Once I was on medication, I felt so light. It was amazing. As for the RLS, once my anemia was gone, so were the restless legs. I almost wish we’d gone that way first, but then I would never have discovered the panic attacks. I’m glad you think it was a good idea to talk about it. I thought I might have come across as self-centered and “woe is me.”
So funny. I love bling and your necklace is terrific but that beautiful jacket and its very berry color caught my attention and I didn’t even notice the bling. My goodness gracious, that jacket is just gorgeous on you!! Just wow weee!! And now that I have paid more attention and gone back to look again, I love the bling and the graphic tee and distressed denim, too.
I started anxiety meds this summer but have only taken them a few times. And seem to be better just knowing I have them if I need them. My med is Lexapro. I am on something for OCD – Fluvoxamine and the pharmacist has not been too excited about me taking the Lexapro with the Luvox but I haven’t had any negative side effects. And have only taken the anxiety meds a half dozen times. I am so sorry you have had such a difficult struggle with restless leg and then anxiety and panic attacks. Hope you have found ways of managing everything right now.
Thank you so much, Leslie! I actually have no problems with panic attacks as long as I have my medication. I can and have gone a couple of days without it. I think just knowing it wasn’t in my possession created the true problem for me. Mike said he would drive it down to me, but I didn’t want him having to drive several hours. I really thought I could tough it out, but when the other woman said I could go home with her, the decision was made.
Isn’t this jacket just the best? I walked past it several times and didn’t really seriously consider it. I was trying some other things on and decided to grab it just for fun! I loved it the minute I put it on. It’s nice and cozy and warm.